Boner Candidate #1: IT MAKES THEM ANTIQUES MORE….ANTIQUE-EEE.
A man in Spring, Texas named Michael Cooper Vest, who likes to wear a kilt, has been charged with criminal mischief. Vest allegedly entered multiple different antique stores and shoved different items into his rectum, then put them back on the shelves. Owners of the antique shops had to throw away the items that Vest had put in his rectum, especially since there was feces left behind on the items. The dollar amount of value of the items Vest put into his rectum comes out to about $200. Vest is scheduled for court for February 23rd.
via DRG News
Boner Candidate #2: YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE STOPPED THAT? A GIRL SCOUT WITH A GUN.
In Fort Worth, Texas, a man robbed a Girl Scout cookie stand in front of a Walmart. The man walked past the table and took the bag with the money earned from that day, and ran away. The man was not apprehended and is still at large. Police suspect the man to be late teens to early 20’s and was seen wearing a black beanie and a gray hoodie.
via WFTV
WINNER!
Boner Candidate #3: OKAY. HE’S A POLITICAL PRISONER. FINE. JUST AS LONG AS HE’S A PRISONER.
Laura Ingraham, a Fox News host, has come out with a claim that Donald Trump may become the United States first political prisoner. Ingraham says, “I thought a lot about this over the weekend. Now, with the unconscionable financial judgment in that New York civil fraud case, the Fani Willis debacle in Georgia, the efforts to knock Trump off state ballots and, of course, let’s not forget Jack Smith’s January 6th criminal prosecution, what else are Trump supporters supposed to think?” Ingraham goes on to talk about Russia and China as well. “They’re brutally vicious and efficient. China subjugates and tortures Uyghur Muslims; Russia crushes the pro-freedom protesters, imprisons Navalny, and then announces his sudden death. Now anyone who challenges the ruling authority now knows the same fate can happen to them. And by the same token, loyalists who prove themselves, you know, to be real followers of the movement, well they get special privileges and accolades, and that’s exactly what the leaders of the Get Trump crew are hoping,” said Ingraham. She finishes her claim by saying this is not what America is about and it is participating in Soviet-like tendencies.
via Mediaite
