Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for June 15th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1:OH THIS IS JUST CAMPAIGN SILLY SEASON.

Days after Jefferson Burton — the former Utah National Guard commander who now leads the Utah Department of Health’s COVID-19 efforts — acknowledged breaking military rules with a flyer in his legislative campaign, a mailer sent by his opponent is causing controversy. Woodland Hills City Council member Kari Malkovich, who is running against Burton in House District 66, was sent a letter from Spanish Fork complaining that she had used its logo in violation of city rules in a campaign mailer. Also, that flyer claimed she had won the endorsement of City Council member Mike Mendenhall. Mendenhall says that while he likes Malkovich, he never gave her permission to use his photo or name as an endorser. Some others pictured in that mailer say the same. The flyer pictured four people — with logos of their businesses or positions — over a headline that says, “We support Kari Malkovich.” “The first time I saw it was when somebody sent me a picture of it saying, ‘Hey, your face is on a flyer.’ I said, ‘Oh well, I wish I had known that,” Mendenhall said. “But purposefully, I was staying out of the fray because it’s not even a race I can vote in. That’s why I told [Malkovich] I would have appreciated seeing that.” Malkovich downplayed the situation in a text she sent in response to questions from The Salt Lake Tribune.

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Boner Candidate #2:I DON’T THINK SHE’S GOING TO WIN.

Well, that’s awkward. An upstart Brooklyn Assembly candidate once mooned a couple who was having sex — and then blogged about it. Emily Gallagher, who is mounting a primary challenge against Assemblyman Joe Lentol (D-Williamsburg), recounted the strange escapade in a 2003 Livejournal post back when she was a 19-year-old student at Ithaca College in upstate New York. According to the post, Gallagher was visiting friends in Syracuse when she spotted a couple doing the dirty through a window and stopped to watch. When the pair realized they had an audience Gallagher decided to dropped trou. “Not only did I stare at people who were having sex in front of a window, but I remained even after they noticed me… I waved, smiled, and when the girl flipped out I mooned her,” Gallagher wrote. “You’d think i was on drugs… but no!” The 36-year-old community activist’s other past posts reveal similarly sophomoric behavior. In a separate entry, strewn with misspellings, Gallagher recalls throwing a “homeless party” with some friends.

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Boner Candidate #3:A HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY

Rejected twice by Utah cities worried about the spread of the coronavirus, country singer Collin Raye finally took the stage in Cedar City Saturday night for what he called the most important show he’s ever done. “This is more than a concert,” he said as a crowd of thousands cheered. “This is a celebration of our freedom and not living in fear, and for moving forward.” Utah Business Revival organizer Eric Moutsos organized the free event to protest COVID-19 restrictions on businesses and residents. Families began toting portable chairs and American flags into Iron Springs Resort late Saturday afternoon, many wearing shirts and caps bearing the flag and few wearing masks. The economy of the southern Utah town, known as Festival City, has been battered since COVID-19 forced the cancellation of the Utah Summer Games and the Utah Shakespeare Festival. After Iron County Commissioner Paul Cozzens heard that the concert had been forbidden near Grantsville in Tooele County and denounced in Kaysville, he welcomed Raye and Moutsos with open arms. Before celebrity restaurateur Guy Fieri introduced Raye, Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes rapped about how he chases “criminals down like a bloodhound.” Cozzens led cheers for law enforcement and for the armed forces.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1:I FOUGHT THE COMMIES AND NOW I’LL FIGHT THE GAYS

Poland’s president compared LGBT “ideology” to communist doctrine in a campaign speech on Saturday, as LGBT rights become a hotly debated issue ahead of a June 28 presidential election in the staunchly Catholic country. President Andrzej Duda is an ally of the ruling nationalist Law and Justice Party (PiS), which dismisses the promotion of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) rights as a foreign influence undermining Poland’s traditional values. On Wednesday, Duda introduced a “Family Card” of election proposals, including a vow to not allow gay couples to marry or adopt children and to ban teaching about LGBT issues in schools. “My parents’ generation for forty years fought to eliminate communist ideology from schools, so it couldn’t be forced on children. So youth, children, soldiers and youth organizations couldn’t be indoctrinated,” Duda told a rally in the southwestern town of Brzeg. “They didn’t fight for this so that a new ideology would appear that is even more destructive.” Opposition candidates and LGBT rights groups condemned Duda’s speech.

Boner Candidate #2:IT’S JUST A HOBBY

Authorities in northwestern Cambodia have scolded a man for his lawn decorations — old land mines and other abandoned ordnance still containing live explosives, an official said Friday. About 30 unexploded munitions were hung from a tamarind tree and scattered around the man’s yard, said Khen Srieng, an official from the Cambodian Mines Action Center, the government agency that oversees mine clearance. Khen Srieng, who went to the man’s home on Wednesday to collect the munitions for destruction, said they were left over from three decades of civil war that ended in the 1990s and that most of the mines were still active and dangerous. He said the man used to be a junk collector and had gathered the devices from rice fields and forests near his home to sell as scrap. The man, whose name was not released, told Khen Srieng that after the government banned the sale and purchase of land mines and other unexploded ordnance, he didn’t know what to do with them. Violators of the ban are rarely if ever prosecuted, because they are generally poor villagers seeking a bit of extra income. CMAC lectured the man for breaking the law.

Boner Candidate #3:WE NEED A MAN IN OFFICE WHO CAN SPELL THE OFFICE


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