ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1:OH THIS IS JUST CAMPAIGN SILLY SEASON.
Days after Jefferson Burton — the former Utah National Guard commander who now leads the Utah Department of Health’s COVID-19 efforts — acknowledged breaking military rules with a flyer in his legislative campaign, a mailer sent by his opponent is causing controversy. Woodland Hills City Council member Kari Malkovich, who is running against Burton in House District 66, was sent a letter from Spanish Fork complaining that she had used its logo in violation of city rules in a campaign mailer. Also, that flyer claimed she had won the endorsement of City Council member Mike Mendenhall. Mendenhall says that while he likes Malkovich, he never gave her permission to use his photo or name as an endorser. Some others pictured in that mailer say the same. The flyer pictured four people — with logos of their businesses or positions — over a headline that says, “We support Kari Malkovich.” “The first time I saw it was when somebody sent me a picture of it saying, ‘Hey, your face is on a flyer.’ I said, ‘Oh well, I wish I had known that,” Mendenhall said. “But purposefully, I was staying out of the fray because it’s not even a race I can vote in. That’s why I told [Malkovich] I would have appreciated seeing that.” Malkovich downplayed the situation in a text she sent in response to questions from The Salt Lake Tribune.
Boner Candidate #2:I DON’T THINK SHE’S GOING TO WIN.
Well, that’s awkward. An upstart Brooklyn Assembly candidate once mooned a couple who was having sex — and then blogged about it. Emily Gallagher, who is mounting a primary challenge against Assemblyman Joe Lentol (D-Williamsburg), recounted the strange escapade in a 2003 Livejournal post back when she was a 19-year-old student at Ithaca College in upstate New York. According to the post, Gallagher was visiting friends in Syracuse when she spotted a couple doing the dirty through a window and stopped to watch. When the pair realized they had an audience Gallagher decided to dropped trou. “Not only did I stare at people who were having sex in front of a window, but I remained even after they noticed me… I waved, smiled, and when the girl flipped out I mooned her,” Gallagher wrote. “You’d think i was on drugs… but no!” The 36-year-old community activist’s other past posts reveal similarly sophomoric behavior. In a separate entry, strewn with misspellings, Gallagher recalls throwing a “homeless party” with some friends.
Boner Candidate #3:A HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY
Rejected twice by Utah cities worried about the spread of the coronavirus, country singer Collin Raye finally took the stage in Cedar City Saturday night for what he called the most important show he’s ever done. “This is more than a concert,” he said as a crowd of thousands cheered. “This is a celebration of our freedom and not living in fear, and for moving forward.” Utah Business Revival organizer Eric Moutsos organized the free event to protest COVID-19 restrictions on businesses and residents. Families began toting portable chairs and American flags into Iron Springs Resort late Saturday afternoon, many wearing shirts and caps bearing the flag and few wearing masks. The economy of the southern Utah town, known as Festival City, has been battered since COVID-19 forced the cancellation of the Utah Summer Games and the Utah Shakespeare Festival. After Iron County Commissioner Paul Cozzens heard that the concert had been forbidden near Grantsville in Tooele County and denounced in Kaysville, he welcomed Raye and Moutsos with open arms. Before celebrity restaurateur Guy Fieri introduced Raye, Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes rapped about how he chases “criminals down like a bloodhound.” Cozzens led cheers for law enforcement and for the armed forces.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1:I FOUGHT THE COMMIES AND NOW I’LL FIGHT THE GAYS
Boner Candidate #2:IT’S JUST A HOBBY
Boner Candidate #3:WE NEED A MAN IN OFFICE WHO CAN SPELL THE OFFICE
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