!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #1: WE HIRE ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE…LIKE BIG BALLS HERE.
Edward Coristine is among the most visible members of the DOGE effort that has been given sweeping access to official networks as it attemts to radically downsize the U.S. goverment. Past reporting had focused on his youth – he is 19 – and his chosen nickname of “bigballs,” which became a pop culture punchline. Musk has championed the teen on his social media site X, telling his followers last month that “Big Balls is awesome. In 2022 while still in High School he ran his own company. This is tied to internet protocol addresses registered to DiamondCDN and other Coristine-owned entities between October 2022 and June 2023, and that some users attempting to access the site around that time would hit a DiamondCDN “Security check.”
Boner Candidate #2: I HATE TO DO THIS BUT WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO TURN AROUND AND GO BACK.
L.A.- to China flight is diverted, and delayed for hours after the pilot forgets his passport. United Airlines Flight 198 left Los Angeles international Airport at :47 p.m. Saturday for a roughly 14-hour flight to Shanghai, China. But sadly, the plane was instead diverted to San Francisco as the pilot “did not have their passport onboard,” according to the airline spokesperson. The plane was delayed more than 3 hours before taking off. Passengers were provided $15 meal vouchers and undisclosed compensation for their delay, the spokesperson said.
Boner Candidate #3: YOU SIR, DO NOT DESERVE TO WEAR THAT SHIRT
In Kissimmee Florida, a man waring a T-shirt declaring “I Never Argue” was arrested yesterday when an argument with a female acquantace turned violent. Daniel Murillo, 44 is accussed of repeatedly punching the 24-year-old vctim in the head while they were seated in a BM outside an Econo Lodge. Murillo claimed that he “struck [the victim] several times in retaliation for her punching him in the face.” He added that after the woman “threw urine at him from a cup they had inside the car,” he broke the vehicle’s windows. Officers arrested Murillo for misdemeanor battery. He was booked into the Osceola County jail on $1000 bond in advance of a court appearance this afternoon.
