Boner Candidate #1: THIS MOTHER IS CLEARLY A THREAT TO THE COMMUNITY
Brittany Patterson lives in the suburbs of a small town called Mineral Bluff which has roughly a population of 370 people. She’s the mother of 4 kids. She was nearing to take her eldest child to a doctors appointment with the intent of taking her youngest, 11 year old, with her. However when time came, and he wasn’t able to be found she took her eldest to the appointment anyways. Patterson said, “I figured he was in the woods, or at grandma’s house.” She lives on 16 acres of land with multiple family members as close as a 2 minute walk. “I was not panicking as I know the roads and know he is mature enough to walk there without incident. She (Sherriff) kept mentioning how he could have been run over, or kidnapped or ‘anything’ could have happened.” Recanted Patterson.
Boner Candidate #2: THIS FOOTBALL RIVALRY HAS BECOME PATHETIC AND FANS LIKE THIS ARE JERKS.
University of Utah police has now arrested an 18 year old after a member of BYU’s travel party stated she was hit in the head with a water bottle during the ‘Holy War’ football game. Jocelyn Allan has watched over the Courgars cheers squads since 2010 said, “I lost consciousness but thankfully was lowered to the ground by one of my cheerleaders. Police are going over video footage to identify the seats that it came from (we have a pretty good idea). If you saw the incident, or have any info on the family who owns that particular box, please contact me.”
WINNER!
Boner Candidate #3: MORE COLLEGE FOOTBALL BS
Animal activist are outraged at LSU for wheeling out a live Bengal tiger to forcibly use for the schools tradition. The school hasn’t participated in this tradition for nearly a decade, to which many thought they were done touting a live Bengal tiger. The tiger in question is owned by a man who has a history of citations from the US agriculture department. Royal Bengal Tigers, are an endangered species facing significant threats of poaching and habitat destruction. In the stadium, lights darkened, and a spotlight was pointed at the cage. The curtain was lifted, revealing the tiger inside as many fans cheered. The tiger lied down still for a little before getting up, and pacing to show signs of stress.
