Boner Candidate #1: HEY DUDE THEY BEAMED ME INTO THE BEAMER.
A Florida man who crashed a stolen BMW told police he hadn’t taken the car’s wheels because he had been “teleported into the vehicle” and needed saving from “aliens.” Investigators say Calvin Johnson, 36, stole the unlocked 2018 convertible after finding the keys inside, drove over 100 mph, and wrecked it in a single-car crash. He now faces felony grand theft auto and other charges, with bond set at $2650, and has a lengthy prior criminal record.
Boner Candidate #2: HEY ZUCK…NICE BOAT
Mark Zuckerberg is facing criticism after reports revealed his $300 million, 387-foot mega yacht burns massive amounts of diesel fuel, generating thousands of tons of carbon emissions. The vessel, Launchpad, allegedly used more than 528,000 gallons of fuel in nine months, sharply contradicting Zuckerberg’s long-standing public advocacy for climate action. Social media users have labeled the yacht—and its additional 220-foot support ship—a symbol of climate hypocrisy given Zuckerberg’s high-profile support for environmental initiatives. The backlash highlights a broader pattern of scrutiny toward wealthy climate advocates whose personal choices appear inconsistent with their public positions.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: HISTORY DESERVES HONESTY
The White House has ordered national parks, including Zion, to remove any gift shop items deemed to promote DEI materials by December 19, a mandate the Interior Department labeled “discriminatory, illegal and immoral.” Zion Forever Project, which runs the main gift shop, says its books highlighting African American and Native American history are part of telling the park’s true story, and park leadership believes the items now comply with the mandate. Tribal leaders and project officials stress that while they will follow any required orders, they remain committed to preserving honest cultural and historical narratives.
