Boner Candidate #1: A SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH ENHANCES THE CHARGES TO AGGRAVATED DOMESTIC BATTERY
A 27-year-old man in St. Petersburg, Florida, was charged with domestic battery after allegedly throwing a Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich at his girlfriend during a Valentine’s Day argument about infidelity. Police say he also threw a cup of blue Powerade, soaking the woman, and found the sandwich broken apart in the living room, though it was not collected as evidence. The man admitted to the incident, spent one day in jail, and was ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.
Boner Candidate #2: GET THEM KIDS!
A: A 34-year-old man, Cheyenne Jacob Webb, has been charged with aggravated assault and disorderly conduct after allegedly threatening students at an anti-ICE protest in Salt Lake City. Police say Webb accelerated his vehicle at a high rate of speed toward a victim, who had to move to avoid being hit, and that the incident was captured on body-worn camera footage obtained by a member of the press. Webb is scheduled to make his initial court appearance on February 17.
B: A 45-year-old man, Chad Michael Watts, was arrested in connection with a physical altercation involving minors during a student protest near Moe and Gene Johnson High School in Buda, Texas. Police say a verbal dispute between a female juvenile and Watts escalated into a physical confrontation involving multiple people, leaving several with minor injuries who declined medical treatment. Investigators determined Watts was the primary aggressor, leading to his arrest on two counts of assault causing bodily injury.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: IT ‘S LIKE FEEDIN’ THE BEARS OR PASSIN’ OUT NEEDLES TO DRUG ADDICTS.
Lawmakers and residents engaged in heated debate at Utah’s Capitol over HB 88, a bill sponsored by Republican Rep. Trevor Lee that would deny free or subsidized meals to individuals without valid identification. Supporters argued the measure promotes fiscal responsibility and upholds the rule of law, while opponents, including Democratic Rep. Andrew Stoddard and advocacy groups like Utahns Against Hunger, called it cruel and costly. Testimony from community members, faith leaders, and nonprofit representatives highlighted sharp divisions over immigration policy and access to food assistance. After more than an hour of public comment and committee discussion, a substitute version of the bill passed 7–3 and now heads to the House floor for consideration.
