Boner Candidate #1: DOIN’ DONUTS WITHOUT NO PANTS ON
Police in North Charleston, South Carolina, responded to reports of a man stunt driving nude in a church parking lot late Sunday night. Officers later found the 36-year-old driver wearing only underwear and a tank top, with a blanket wrapped around him, and his car blocking traffic with the horn blaring. The man smelled of alcohol, and a search of his vehicle revealed a scale and cocaine base. He was arrested and charged with multiple offenses, including drug possession, pointing and presenting a firearm, and property damage.
Boner Candidate #2: HEY, I STOLE THAT MONEY FAIR AND SQUARE
In Alliance, Ohio, police arrested 42-year-old Jauan L. Mason after he robbed a Huntington Bank, stealing about $400 in one-dollar bills and fleeing on foot. Officers found him shortly after, having changed clothes but still carrying the stolen money. Mason, who had just moved to Alliance from Akron, was charged with aggravated robbery and reportedly asked police to deposit the cash into his jail commissary account.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: HEY YOU GOONS THERE’S A BABY BACK THERE.
During a targeted immigration raid at a Home Depot in Cypress Park, Los Angeles, armed federal agents in masks detained a 32-year-old U.S. citizen and drove off in his car with his toddler still strapped in the back seat. Video footage showed the officers entering the vehicle and tossing a beach ball toward the child before driving away as bystanders protested. The toddler was later reunited with family, though advocates condemned the agents’ actions as dangerous and traumatizing. Federal officials defended the operation, saying the man had attacked agents with a hammer, possessed a stolen gun, and had an active warrant, while critics, including Gov. Gavin Newsom, called the show of force an act of intimidation amid broader election-related immigration enforcement.
