Boners

Boner of the Day for March 12th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: HE’S A DANGEROUS LAWBREAKER

A Missouri man battling Stage 4 cancer said police targeted him and searched his hospital room for marijuana and he has the incident on camera. The officers involved said it’s all part of the job, but the small Bolivar Police Department is now facing complaints. Nolan Sousley is fighting Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was in the middle of a chemotherapy treatment at Citizens Memorial Hospital. Police said they responded to a call about a smell of marijuana coming from the hospital Wednesday night. When officers entered Sousley’s room, he and his family members started recording on their phones. The video, streamed live to Facebook, shows a group of police officers searching bags sitting on a nearby bed. A doctor later shows up and asks the family to stop recording. Sousley said Friday he felt violated and is tired of being attacked when he’s just trying to save his own life.

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Candidate #2: THE BEER WAS TO GET MY COURAGE UP

olice in Lathrop say a suspected shoplifter drank an entire six-pack of beer inside a Target dressing room. Saturday afternoon, officers say a woman took her cart and a six-pack of Stella Artois into a dressing room and stayed there for over an hour. After finishing the beers, police say the woman left the store with about $200 in merchandise without paying. The woman was later identified as Elysia Johnson. She was arrested and booked into the San Joaquin County Jail on suspicion of shoplifting and for three other warrants.

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Candidate #3: TUCKER YOU ARE SUCH A CARLSON.

Women are “like dogs,” Iraqis are “primitive monkeys,” and Obama wouldn’t have been president if he were white, the Fox News host said. Fox News host Tucker Carlson refused to apologize Monday night after a slew of newly-surfaced racist, anti-immigrant, and misogynous remarks he made years ago on a radio show were published, arguing that doing so would make him another casualty of the “great American outrage machine.”

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Round 2

Candidate #1: THE HEIGHT OF SPITE

Harry Macklowe calls his gesture a “proclamation of love”; Complex calls it petty and “massively mean.” Whatever it may be, two photos (see them here) plastered on the side of the tallest residential building in the world—and the second-tallest building in New York City—are definitely attracting attention. The 24-by-42-foot pictures printed on polyester mesh are affixed to the side of 432 Park Avenue, which Macklowe finished building in 2015, and show the 81-year-old next to his new wife, Frenchwoman Patricia Landeau, said to be 18 years his junior, the New York Times reports. Macklowe’s ex-wife, Linda Macklowe, whom he was married to for nearly six decades before their messy divorce was recently finalized, had been set to buy an apartment in the building, but she was able to nix that contract during the divorce proceedings.

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Candidate #2: ALL OF THESE PHONE NUMBERS…JUST WAITING TO BE CALLED

An ex-cop in Florida is accusing of abusing the Driver and Vehicle Information Database for his own sleazy purposes. Leonel Marines is being investigated by the FBI for allegedly treating the database like a dating website, using it to find and contact women, WBTW reports. Bradenton Police Chief Melanie Bevan told reporters that Marines appears to have made hundreds of improper queries, and contacted at least 150 women. “He was not utilizing this data for law enforcement whatsoever,” she said. “Instead he was using it in a variety of ways—from social media, cold telephone calls, visits to their home under the guise of being there for police business, you name it—trying to get dates with these women. He was very persistent and successful at times in his efforts to do so.” Marines, a 36-year-old who had been on the Bradenton force for 12 years, was placed on leave after the investigation began in October and later resigned, reports WVLT.

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Candidate #3: PRETTY HALF-HEARTED ATTEMPT

A man who borrowed his estranged wife’s car and his son’s toy gun to try and rob a restaurant by going through the drive-thru line left empty-handed, according to police. But now, Cody Tawn Olsen faces a potential minimum sentence of 15 years in prison for his efforts. Olsen, 30, of Payson, was charged Monday in 3rd District Court with aggravated robbery, a first-degree felony. On March 6, Olsen went to the drive-thru window at Rancherito’s, 8732 S. State in Sandy, pointed what appeared to be a black handgun at an employee and demanded money, according to charging documents.

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