Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for October 16th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: IT’S THE KIND OF THING THOSE AMERICANS DO BUT IT’S NOT FOR US.

School children were asked to vote for who had the ‘best bum’ and was ‘most flirty’ in their year group in a competition slammed by worried parents. The group of 15 and 16 year old children in their final year at Highfields School in Derbyshire were asked to nominate who shold get the awards in their end of year yearbook. But the contest has been deemd ‘disgusting’ and ‘innappropriate’ by parents, some who were horrified that it would encourage sexism, body hang-ups and act to sexualise children.  Mum Jane Gretton with her children Allistar, Scarlett and 15-year-old Bella, was horrified when she found out about the competition. Highfields School has suspended the competition – which also asked for nominations for ‘most likely to be a top model or professional footballer’ – after a number of complaints.

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Boner Candidate #2: PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE ONE OF MY SWASTIKA COOKIES.

A dad accused of being a member of a neo-Nazi terrorist group was pictured cradling his newborn baby, who is named after Adolf Hitler, while wearing a Ku Klux Klan robe. Prosecutors in the UK allege that the photographs show Adam Thomas, 22, donning the hooded white robes while holding the baby he named after the Nazi leader. In another picture, he is seen posing with his partner Claudia Patatas, 38, holding the child while holding a swastika flag and making a Hitler salute. Others pictures show a collection of fascist memorabilia found at the couple’s home including a swastika-shaped pastry cutter, embroidered cushion and clothing. The images were shown to a jury at the trial of Thomas and Patatas who along with Daniel Bogunovic, 27, are accused of being members of National Action. The far-right terrorist group was formed in 2013 but was banned following the murder of Labour MP Jo Cox in June 2016.

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Boner Candidate #3: I TOLD YOU TO GIVE ME A BEER.

A mother threw her 1-year-old child to the ground after her neighbor refused to give her a beer in Burlington, according to police. Kyesha Sherell Willis, 29, of Burlington, faces charges of assault on a child under the age of 12, simple assault and resist, delay and obstruct. Officers were called to an apartment complex at 2016 Morningside Drive at about 4:30 p.m. Saturday where police said the suspect went to visit her neighbor. Willis allegedly demanded that her neighbor give her a beer and when she didn’t get one, she threw her child to the ground, according to police. She then allegedly assaulted the neighbor.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: WHO HASN’T WANT TO SWIM WITH THE SHARKS?

A manhunt is underway for a man who jumped naked into the massive shark tank at Ripley’s Aquarium, swimming among the 14 sharks to cheers and jeers before barely escaping. After his one-man show Friday night, he was told police were on their way and then yanked on his pants, held his shoes in his hand and fled with a woman — leaving his hoodie and T-shirt behind. Police issued an alert and a photo of the man, although only showing his face. His naked stunt also revealed other distinguishing features: tribal tattoos down his calf and a bicep tattoo. While the stunt was greeted largely with merriment by onlookers and on social media, the aquarium is not amused. “We hope to have this gentleman apprehended and charged to the fullest extent of the law, because what he did was foolish and dangerous. And it was definitely premeditated and intentional,” said Peter Doyle, general manager of Ripley’s Aquarium of Canada.

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Boner Candidate #2: THAT’S RIGHT. I GOT THE WHOLE FAMILY.

An Idaho Fish and Game commissioner has resigned amid backlash he received after sharing multiple pictures from a hunting trip to Namibia via email. One of those pictures showed him posing next to a family of baboons he says he hunted with a crossbow. Around 4 p.m. Monday, Idaho Gov. C.L. “Butch” Otter announced that he had asked for and subsequently received the resignation of Idaho Fish and Game Commissioner Blake Fischer. The many calls for his resignation quickly spread online, and among at least one former game commissioner, after Fischer returned from his trip. One photo, in particular, showed Fischer posing with a family of baboons he said he had hunted with a crossbow. CNN reported Fischer sent an email boasting about using the baboons to introduce his wife to game hunting. Among the 12 pictures of Fischer and his wife were also an oryx, a giraffe, a waterbuck and a leopard.

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Boner Candidate #3: I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT MY CHIPS.

A South Carolina man is facing an attempted murder charge after police say he shot his teenage cousin after warning the victim not to eat his salt and vinegar potato chips. Ryan Langdale, 19, of Colleton County, turned himself into deputies on Wednesday and was charged with attempted murder, possession of a weapon during the commission of a violent crime and obstruction of justice, according to The State newspaperPolice said that on Sept. 29, officers were called to the home where Langdale’s cousin had been shot. Both he and the victim told deputies the shooting was self-inflicted and happened when the 17-year-old was cleaning a hunting rifle, according to the paper. The victim was rushed into surgery with life-threatening injuries before being transferred to a Charleston area hospital, according to local station WYFF TV. But the story started changing after the victim recovered enough for further questioning. 

 

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