Boner of the Day

Boner Preview Candidates February 2, 2016

Boner Preview Candidate #1: KANGAROO KILLER

Seventeen kangaroos have died after being deliberately run down by a driver in Australia, an animal welfare group said Monday. The carcasses of 16 kangaroos were found Monday along a 300-foot stretch of road in the eastern city of Brisbane, said Michael Beatty, a spokesman for the RSPCA in Queensland state. Another kangaroo had to be euthanized because of its injuries. Many of the animals were young, Beatty said.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: YOU MUST CEASE INTERFERING WITH TRACTORS SIR.

Ralph Bishop, 53, was found by police with his trousers around his ankles “interfering” with a tractor parked in a field outside Saxmundham. He was arrested on suspicion of outraging public decency, and admitted to having had sex with around 450 tractors all over the Suffolk countryside. When officers searched his terraced home they found a collection of more than 5,000 tractor images on his laptop. The photos showed Bishop had a special desire for John Deere and Massey Ferguson tractors, particularly green ones.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: ARE YOU READY FOR THE NEOMASCULINISTS?

An online group of misogynistic, homophobic neomasculinists who believe rape on private property should be legal and women with eating disorders make ideal girlfriends are arranging their first real-life meet-ups in Australia. Return of Kings is a US-based international web community for “heterosexual, masculine men” founded four years ago. And they are gearing up for their first global meet-up day on Saturday.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: SHE’S JUST A HORRIBLE WOMAN.

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) was not happy Monday when her interview with NBC’s “Today” anchors Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie veered away from the topic of the Iowa caucuses and toward her son’s recent arrest. “You guys brought me here to talk about Iowa politics and the caucus tonight, not to talk about my kids!” said Palin, the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee, in her first interview since endorsing Donald Trump, the current Republican presidential front-runner.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: THAT’S RIGHT. GET THE CHILDREN.

A gang of masked men have been detained in Stockholm after distributing leaflets threatening to punish “north African street children roaming” the Swedish capital. Police said one man had been charged with assaulting a police officer and the others had been charged with wearing a mask in public, which is illegal in Sweden, and for causing a public disturbance. A police spokesman told local media the men detained were believed to have gathered “with the purpose of attacking refugee children”.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: THE DUCT TAPE CHALLENGE

A Washington teenager is in the hospital recovering after being wrapped tightly in duct tape and trying to break himself free of the bind. Q13 Fox reported that Skylar Fish, a 14-year-old who lives in Renton, Washington, was playing “The Duct Tape Challenge,” an online competition that teens across the United States are taking part in. Sarah Fish, Skylar’s mom, told the news station her son fell and hit his head on a concrete and metal window frame after his friends helped wrap his arms and legs tightly with duct tape as part of the challenge.

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