Boners

Boner Preview Candidates November 4th, 2015

Boner Preview Candidate #1: JUST A LITTLE GIFT FOR SOME BUDDIES OF MINE

A woman from Fishers, Indiana, was arrested after she allegedly left a blow up doll and sex toy covered with dog faeces on the porch of a home and then pulled a gun on two men as she tried to leave.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: WHO WANTS TO CELEBRATE AND BOCCOLLI RABE?

A Google Translate error turned an annual celebration in Spain into something a bit too tantalizing when it changed the Galician word grelo into clitoris, inviting Spanish speakers to celebrate the “Feria Clitoris” (Clitoris Festival).

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: YOUTHFUL EXUBERANCE

A Provo High School wrestler has been charged with multiple counts of first-degree felony aggravated kidnapping and other charges on allegations that he and another wrestler pinned down and sexually assaulted their teammates as part of a hazing rite.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: PLANNED PARENTHOOD PROMOTES BESTIALITY

Anti-choice activist Carol Everett, who is just an absolute treasure, appeared on “The Alan Colmes Show” to have a chat about her peculiar theory that people having multiple sex partners is just like rape. Now, if you thought it could not possibly get more ridiculous than that – or her other claim that Planned Parenthood teaches “sodomy” to five year olds – you would be wrong.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: LET THEM HAVE TAMPONS AND THE NEXT THING THEY’LL WANT IS CAVIAR AND CHAMPAGNE

The woman who says she was told she could not buy tampons on a Work and Income food card because they were considered “luxury items” says she was told she would have to instead apply for a separate grant which she would have to later repay if she needed items such as tampons.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: VOTE FOR ME, THE GAL WITH THE GUNS

Assemblywoman and U.S. congressional candidate Michele Fiore has a new campaign fundraising pitch: a 12-month “Second Amendment calendar” with her playing pin-up and clutching assault rifles, shotguns and pistols.

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