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Boner Candidates for September 15, 2015

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Boner Candidate #1: WE JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THEIR CUSTOMS

India’s treatment of women is again eliciting shock as reports circulate about an unofficial council of village elders who ordered two Indian women to be gang-raped after their brother eloped with a married woman of a higher caste. Meenakshi Kumari, 23, and her 15-year-old sister were told that their faces would be blackened and they would be raped and paraded naked in front of their neighbors by a council based in Uttar Pradesh, northern India. Kumari then petitioned the Indian Supreme Court to protect her and her family, which is of the Dalit caste — the lowest in India’s hierarchy. Members of the caste were previously referred to as “untouchables.” The word Dalit means “oppressed.” The woman their brother eloped with is of the higher Jat caste.

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Boner Candidate #2: A MARRIAGE THAT WILL STAND THE TEST OF TIME

Devo co-founder Jerry Casale tied the knot Friday and afterward celebrated with a tasteless 9/11-themed reception, complete with a Twin Towers wedding cake — featuring the bride’s and groom’s faces atop each cake tower — and box cutter place settings, according to a report Monday. The nutty California nuptials of Casale, singer and bassist for the countercultural New Wave band, and Krista Napp were held on the 14th anniversary of the Sept. 11 terror attacks. Each of the party’s tables at Michael’s Restaurant in Santa Monica had seating cards with “Gerald & Krista” printed inside an image of a boxcutter, TMZ reported. Actual boxcutters, meanwhile, were passed out as party favors, according to the site. Boxcutters have been linked to the 9/11 attacks because conservative commentator Barbara Olson — a passenger aboard American Airlines Flight 77, which crashed into the Pentagon — called her husband, reporting that terrorists were armed with that household tool. Confronted about his wedding’s offensive theme, a red-faced Casale, 67, said that he didn’t plan on getting hitched on Sept. 11, and that the date was pure “chance,” a result of the calendar and bureaucratic dictates.

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Boner Candidate #3: I WAS DRUNK AND EARL WANTED TO BE SPONTANEOUS

A Norfolk woman was accused of having sex with a man who police say was unconscious in a parking lot. “[I] was in the mood, and that’s basically what happened,” says 36-year-old Kimberly M. Jackson when we asked her about the incident. When asked what actually got her in the mood, she says it was the alcohol. Authorities received calls about an exposure in progress at 6025 E. Virginia Beach Blvd. on Tuesday. The caller told dispatchers that a couple was involved in a sexual act in the parking lot. Once police arrived, they found Jackson and her boyfriend, Earl Palmer, in the parking lot. At the time, the man was unconscious and unresponsive. and he was taken to Sentara Leigh Hospital. Kimberly Jackson Jackson was arrested and charged for being drunk in public. “The alcohol made me think I wouldn’t. I’m not into erotic public sex or anything like that,” says Jackson Police told NewsChannel 3 her boyfriend was unconscious, but he says he was just passed out from drinking. “I’m here trying to clear her name and let them know I consented to that, I just didn’t finish the job as you could say,” says Palmer.

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Photo courtesy of LJ McAllister


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