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Boner Candidates for September 14, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: HEY KIDS! LET’S GO CAVING!

A 24-year-old mother was in custody Saturday after her two young children were found barefoot, dirty and living inside a wooden shipping crate in an underground cave on the eastern edge of Kansas City, Mo. Brittany Mugrauer was charged Friday night with two counts of felony child endangerment. Jackson County detectives discovered the 4- and 6-year-old children Thursday in the 8-foot-by-10-foot crate with vehicle bench seats, two small blankets, trash and thin wires. According to the probable cause statement, the crate was missing one side and surrounded by car parts and vehicles in various states of disrepair. The investigators, who went to the cave to serve a search warrant related to a possible stolen-car operation, noted that the children did not appear frightened by them or the fact that they were alone. The 4-year-old child was using hands to eat a dirty, dry cup of ramen noodles, a detective wrote. When asked why they weren’t wearing any shoes, the children responded that they didn’t have any. The older child told officers he should be in first grade but did not go to school.

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Boner Candidate #2: USE THE COUPON CODE “MUSLIM’

A Florida gun shop owner marked the anniversary of September 11 Friday by offering customers $25 off their purchase with the coupon code “muslim.” The same man had previously declared his business a “Muslim-free zone.” Andrew Hallinan said he’s intentionally courting controversy in an effort to push back against the overly cautious behavior he believes is costing lives. His critics, meanwhile, call him a “hate profiteer” trying to make a buck from tragedy. “On 9/11, of course I’m not going to be politically correct,” the 28-year-old said by phone Sunday. “These are terrorists that killed more than 3,000 innocent Americans.”

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Boner Candidate #3: GIVE ME ALL YOUR CASH; AND PUT IT IN MY ACCOUNT

Paul Neaverson, 61, walked in to a branch of NatWest in Rainham, Kent and held a knife to the cashier’s neck. However he was caught out when he asked the clerk to transfer the money in to his own bank account. And why did he do it? Because he needed money to book a flight to Corfu for a job interview as a golf coach. Of course. Maidstone Crown Court heard that during the terrifying raid the cashier managed to hit the panic button. Neaverson fled, but undeterred, he only went as far as the HSBC just 400ft away where tried to hold up that bank too.

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