Boners

Boner Fight for March 19th, 2019

Boner Candidate #1: It’s a Bullet train, Doesn’t that sound dangerous

German police say a drunken man with a fire extinguisher smashed his way into the driver’s cab of a high-speed train running from Frankfurt to Paris and demanded that the driver slow down. Federal police said the ICE train operated by Germany’s Deutsche Bahn stopped near Frankfurt after the incident Sunday morning. The 30-year-old man from Heideberg, who wasn’t identified, was arrested and faces an investigation into dangerous interference in rail traffic, among other things. Police say passengers said the man took a fire extinguisher off the wall, smashed a glass door separating the cab from the passenger compartment, and told the shocked driver the train was going much too fast and he had to save the passengers.

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Boner Candidate #2: I Don’t Know What Her Problem Is, I Feel Great!

An enraged man who threatened to kill his wife told officers he had been “doing meth and masturbating all day, and it feels great,” Bangor police said. Borough police were called Sunday evening to the couple’s home in the first block of North Fourth Street. Eric Farnack’s wife ran out to officers in a panic and said her husband was “out of control” and threatened to kill her. The 46-year-old Farnack walked out of the house “in a state of rage,” according to police, and was screaming as he came toward officers. Farnack was told he would be shocked with a stun gun if he did not follow officers’ orders. He reportedly got on the ground while saying he had “been doing meth and masturbating all day, and it feels great.” Farnack was handcuffed, and police said it appeared he was “highly under the influence” of a controlled substance. Farnack’s wife told officers he appeared to be under the influence when he came home early Sunday morning. When the woman came home at about 5:30 p.m., Farnack was outside the home and screamed at his wife to get into the house, police said.

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