Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for April 29th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: USING A CHILD FOR REVENGE: LOWEST OF THE LOW

A former model insisted her young son needed surgery for a rare brain condition — but the child’s boy-band dad said his ex-girlfriend was the only one sick in the head, according to Manhattan legal papers. The onetime couple’s battle led to an investigation by the city’s child-welfare agency, which is now the target of a $10 million planned lawsuit over the ordeal. The debacle began after onetime model Caterina Andorfer Lopez flew to New York City from her Arizona home last summer so that Princeton — her 5-year-old son with Jamie “JJ’’ Hamblett, of the British boy band Union J — could go under the knife at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital for Chiari malformation, according to the mom’s notice of claim, a precursor to a lawsuit. The condition was leaving Princeton with vomiting, fatigue and headaches so strong he would wake up in the middle of the night, the boy’s mother and court papers claim. But before Princeton could get his third and final operation for the condition, Hamblett called the hospital, claiming that Lopez had made up their son’s sickness because of her own mental illness, the mom, 32, told The Post.

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Boner Candidate #2: HE LITERALLY DUG A HOLE FOR HIMSELF

Officials in northern Mexico say a man accidentally trapped himself in a hole he’d dug so that he could spy surreptitiously on his former girlfriend, in violation of a restraining order. The attorney general’s office for the state of Sonora said Sunday that the 50-year-old spent days digging the hole in Puerto Penasco, on the Gulf of California, only to become trapped inside and require assistance to get out. The man had been ordered to stay away from his ex-girlfriend due to domestic violence charges. He is now in jail. Violence against women is in Mexico’s spotlight this week after a woman was hit by a car and stabbed to death by her husband outside the governor’s residence in the western state of Jalisco. That incident was captured on video.

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Boner Candidate #3: MAYBE HE DESERVED A BRUTAL BEATING

Avengers: Endgame is the culmination of 10 years’ and 21 films’ worth of storytelling, and Marvel has gone to great lengths to limit spoilers. The film’s directors, Anthony and Joe Russo, went as far to ask fans for their discretion in an open letter, and publications (including ours) were issued strict guidelines when it came to what plot points could be disclosed in early reviews. Fans are also taking measures into their own hands. According to Asia One, a man outside a cinema in Causeway Bay, Hong Kong was brutally beaten after he began revealing spoilers to Endgame. The report adds, According to Taiwanese media, a man dressed in white, who seemed to have just exited the cinema after watching the three-hour movie, started revealing spoilers loudly by the entrance. Cinemagoers who were waiting to enter the doors were fuming and some reportedly went to beat the man up to teach him a lesson. The photo ignited many discussions with fans claiming that “he got his just desserts served” or that they “felt good seeing this”.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: SO I’M NOT GETTING THE JOB?

Police in northern Wyoming say a man who allegedly shoplifted at the same store twice in one day also asked to fill out a job application during one of his visits. The Gillette News Record reported Sunday the 36-year-old man went to the Sportsman’s Warehouse in Gillette and bought some items with a rewards card but allegedly took sunglasses and ammunition without paying for them. Police say he returned to the store a few hours later, asked to fill out the job application and left with two more pairs of sunglasses, allegedly without paying for them. Officers issued the man a citation for the alleged thefts and recovered the items. The suspect’s name wasn’t immediately available.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE HAVE STANDARDS

A midstate theater’s billboard is creating a buzz both locally and across the country after the owner changed the name of the movie on the sign from “Hellboy” to “Heckboy.” The decision to change the film’s name on the Roxy 8 sign in Dickson was made by owner Belinda Daniel, who didn’t want to speak on-camera. Many in the community, like Scarlett James, say they’re supporting her decision. “My opinion is, is that she’s the owner of the theater, and has the right to put what she wants to on her sign,” James said. Daniel told FOX 17 News that she has never displayed any words on the sign that may be seen as profanity, especially since the Roxy is next to Oakmont Elementary School. James’ son, Lucas, used to go to school here. “The buses and the parents’ cars sit right in front of the sign for an extended period of time, and then just general passer-byers pass by it and see it, and I think she was just trying to look out and protect what young children see,” James said. “This small town out here in Dickson, there’s fine people out here, and I think it’s kind of cool to think they’re taking a stand on what they believe in,” White Bluff resident Wynn Towns said. Daniel said news outlets across the country have picked up on Daniel’s unique sign.

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Boner Candidate #3: I KNOW HE’S IN THERE

A Fort Walton Beach man is in jail after allegedly smoking methamphetamine and holding his girlfriend against her will while he attacked their mattress. Felipe Oquendo, 37, is charged with false imprisonment and possession of drug paraphernalia in connection with an incident early Friday morning. Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputies were called to the home on Willow Bend
Boulevard around 1:10 a.m. Friday. The caller said Oquendo had started acting erratically and accused her of cheating on him with a man in the mattress. She claimed Oquendo had stabbed the mattress with a bedpost, then ripped it apart with his hands. He then locked the bedroom door and refused to let the woman leave, but she was able to escape while he was preoccupied with the mattress, according to an arrest report. When deputies arrived, Oquendo reportedly told them he had felt the mattress moving. He said had asked his girlfriend to help him figure out what was happening, but had not prevented her from leaving, according to the report.

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