Boners

Boner of the Day for February 2, 2021

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: WHO CARES CAROLE, PUT A SOCK IN IT

Joe Exotic, tiger cub-petting, and private possession of big cats are not the only things Carole Baskin disapproves of… Baskin, the CEO of Big Cat Rescue who was featured in the Netflix documentary series “Tiger King,” is opposed to the Super Bowl being played during the coronavirus pandemic. The game is being held at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, about twelve miles from Baskin’s animal sanctuary, home to tigers, lions, and other “big cats.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I TOOK A WRONG TURN AND ENDED UP, UP THERE

North Stafford, VA — A man was taken into custody Saturday after he fell from the ceiling into the women’s locker room at a North Stafford fitness center, police said; The incident took place about 1:15 p.m. at Onelife Fitness at 315 Garrisonville Road, Sheriff’s Maj. Shawn Kimmitz said. Police allege that a man was secretly looking at women when he fell about 10 feet from the ceiling onto a woman in the locker room. The woman had minor injuries, but was not transferred for further medical attention after being checked out by rescue workers.

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Boner Candidate #3: I HAVE BEEN TARGETED BY THE MOB

Some Utah parents and teachers are calling for the removal of a conservative state school board member for posting comments they consider racist, homophobic and uniformed.
In one of the Facebook posts they point to, Natalie Cline calls LGBTQ students “gender-confused.” In another, she says educators were learning how to “indoctrinate your children” at a conference this month at the Utah Pride Center about accepting all identities in the classroom.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: THE GOV. DOESN’T WANT US TO SEE GOD

Wisconsin pharmacist who destroyed more than 500 vaccine doses believes Earth is flat, FBI says. When a pharmacist discovered that 57 vials of the Moderna vaccine were left to spoil outside a Wisconsin clinic’s refrigerator in December, the worker immediately suspected a colleague who had spread false and outlandish claims, according to court records.

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Boner Candidate #2: SHE WAS OUT OF CONTROL

Two body camera videos of the incident released by the police department on Sunday show officers restraining the child, putting her in handcuffs and attempting to get her inside the back of a police vehicle as she is heard repeatedly crying and calling for her father. Officers are then seen pepper spraying the girl after she doesn’t follow commands to put her feet inside the car. The girl was transported to Rochester General Hospital where she was later released, Anderson said. Rochester Mayor Lovely Warren said during a news conference Sunday that she had spoken with the girl’s mother and that the city’s Person in Crisis mental health team would be reaching out to the family.

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Boner Candidate #3:  I’M ALL STOPPED UP. I NEED THAT STUFF

Fort Walton Beach, FL — Okaloosa County investigators said a man arrested for trafficking drugs tried to tell them that his heroin was actually chocolate laxatives. Deputies said they stopped Steven Coplen, 29, when they noticed his plate that expired in 2020 had been altered to make it look like it had been renewed. Investigators said they also learned his auto insurance was invalid due to non-payment.

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