ROUND ONE
BONER CANDIDATE #1: I THOUGHT I WAS IN A MOVIE
A clerk at a Middlesex County gas station unwittingly accepted a fake $100 bill that was intended to be used in movies, authorities said. South Brunswick police on Monday tweeted a photo of the front and back of the phony bill, which has the words “For Motion Picture Use Only,” printed on both sides. Detectives tracked down a 20-year-old Somerset County man who said “he was surprised the clerk took the money,” police said in the tweet.
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BONER CANDIDATE #2: SHE’S 17, NOT A MINOR. THAT’S NOT WHAT WE MEANT.
An Alberta energy company has come under fire after its logo was displayed on a decal allegedly depicting a sex act with a female figure who appears to be 17-year-old Swede Greta Thunberg. The image shows a pair of hands holding the braids of a female figure from behind. “Greta” is scrawled across her back. Directly below sits the logo of X-Site Energy Services. A LinkedIn profile for a company of the same name, headquartered in Red Deer, Alta., advertises water management and high-efficiency frac fluid heating in Alberta and B.C. Doug Sparrow, listed as general manager, has not responded to CTV News Edmonton’s request for comment. A Facebook page for the company is not publicly available. Rocky Mountain House resident Michelle Narang, whose sharing of the image on social media spurred a local social media storm, said she cried at the imagery. “It was hurtful as a woman. It was hurtful as a mother. It was hurtful as an Albertan who’s fighting for this industry all of the time and defending the hard work that men and women are doing each and every day and our amazing Canadian energy industry.”
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BONER CANDIDATE #3: IT’S 4:20 SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD
Cops are hunting for a pair of burglars who ransacked a medical marijuana dispensary in Clearwater early Friday morning. The break-in, of course, occurred at 4:20. After stealing items from a storage room at Trulieve, a “medical marijuana treatment center,” the masked men–both of whom were dressed in black–fled the scene in a black Camaro driven by an accomplice. Surveillance footage revealed that the suspects spent about five minutes inside the dispensary. In their haste to flee, the thieves dropped numerous containers, leaving a debris field in their wake as they sped away around 4:25 AM. About 40 minutes before the 4:20 AM heist, cops report, the suspects burglarized a Trulieve dispensary in nearby Clearwater Beach.
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ROUND TWO
BONER CANDIDATE #1: SHE’S A GOOD GIRL
Bryan Delgado-Villatoro will not soon forget his 24th birthday. After his topless girlfriend provided him with oral and manual favors while they were driving earlier this month, Delgado-Villatoro and Heder Priscilla Cascante-Vargas, 23, began arguing inside their 2010 Toyota as it traveled in Hobe Sound. According to an arrest affidavit, the tumult inside the vehicle resulted in a crash after the speeding car swerved around another auto. Cascante-Vargas claimed to have been driving when the February 6 crash occurred. When sheriff’s deputies arrived at the scene, Cascante-Vargas (pictured above) was seen slapping her boyfriend in the face and chest as he told her to calm down. Delgado-Villatoro was arrested after allegedly ignoring a series of police orders. “Why are you arresting him! I am the one that was hitting him, motherfuckers,” Cascante-Vargas reportedly declared before she, too, was handcuffed. Cascante-Vargas then provided cops with a recap of the couple’s evening. “Cascante-Vargas also stated she was giving Delgado-Villatoro ‘head’ slang term for Fellatio. Cascante-Vargas stated she was also giving Delgado-Villatoro a hand job.” Noting that it was her boyfriend’s birthday, Cascante-Vargas said she “wanted to look sexy so she took her shirt off while all this was happening.” Cops added, “Cascante-Vargas kept saying that she is a good girl.”
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BONER CANDIDATE #2: AIRPLANE HYGIENE
A passenger was left disgusted after spotting the man sitting next to him clipping his fingernails before the flight had taken off. The male passenger was then filmed as his neighbour looked on in horror. The video was shared by Instagram user David Kim, who was travelling on the unnamed flight. In his story, he wrote “No, go ahead. Please clip your nails on the plane” alongside a vomiting emoji. In the 10 second video, his neighbour, dressed in white shorted and a T-shirt, has a large nail-clipping device which he is using. The video shows him clipping just one nail a few times, before checking it himself. It isn’t clear if he continued to clip them or not after the video ended. Sadly, badly behaved passengers publicly grooming themselves is common on flights.
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BONER CANDIDATE #3: WE CALL OUR PRINCIPAL “THE WARDEN”
A middle school principal is apologizing over comments made on a video intended for students of the school following issues on campus. The video announcing new school rules was shared yesterday in every class session and posted online. Parents who spoke with FOX 13 immediately responded saying that the rules were too strict. The video shows the following rules: “In the morning get your materials and go straight to class… be sure to have a book because you’ll be reading before the 1st hour begins. No loitering in the halls.Four-minute Passing periods. go from the class to locker to class also, THIS IS THE TIME TO USE THE BATHROOM. There is to be no loitering or stopping everyone is moving to class.To use the bathroom during class you will sign the bathroom request log and will wait to be escorted to be the bathroomYou will walk to the lunchroom single file with your class and will return and eat lunch in your classroom. Conversational voices and NO CELL PHONES.When the bell rings to dismiss school, you will exit the building quickly unless you are attending help sessions or have made arrangements with a teacher.When the bell rings to dismiss school, you will exit the building quickly unless you are attending help sessions or have made arrangements with a teacher.”
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