ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: OUR CONGRESSMAN AGAIN MAKING US PROUD
Our congressman Rep. Chris Stewart was interviewed by Chris Cuomo about his vote to keep Marjorie Taylor Greene. Chris Stewart falsely claimed that he voted to remove Marjorie Taylor Green, and was called out by Chris Cuomo.
Boner Candidate #2: WE NEED TO CHECK UTAH BALLOTS FOR BAMBOO
Rep. Steve Christiansen is calling for a voting audit after travelling to Arizona to witness theirs. The audit even included looking for ballots containing bamboo fiber, which would apparently indicate that the ballots were fakes from China.
Boner Candidate #3: OK. I’LL KNOCK ANOTHER HUNDRED BUCKS OFF.
After strangling his girlfriend to death, a Colorado man left the body in a car and attempted to sell the car.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: YOU DISRUPTED MY TRANQUILITY
During councilman Darin Mano’s stroll through the neighborhood advertising his re-election he woke up the assistant attorney general who promptly sent Darin a fairly angry and explicit email.
Boner Candidate #2: IT’S THE ICECREAM OF THE FUTURE
A Texas man earned the title of “Dippin’ Dots Bandit” after his attempted ice cream heist resulted in him falling through the mall ceiling.
Boner Candidate #3: DID YOU GET YOUR TICKETS?
Trump supporters living in denial are buying tickets to attend Donald Trumps re-inauguration. For $1,200 you could see Kid Rock and Ted Nugent preform for Donald Trump. That is, if the tickets were actually real.
