Round One
Boner Candidate #1: I’M AN EXCELLENT DRIVER.
A Utah man was sentenced to over a year in prison for posting a video depicting himself driving recklessly on I-15, including passing 13 cars in 20 seconds.
Boner Candidate #2: I WANT A MAIL-IN BALLOT
After last year’s attempt to dismantle mail-in ballots, former President Donald Trump has requested a ballot in Palm Beach Florida for the municipal elections.
Boner Candidate #3: HE’S ON TRIAL, INSIDE THE VICTIMS HOUSE!
A Michigan man on trial for domestic abuse was attending a trial last week over Zoom. The victim was in the room with him, without guards to protect her. The trial was cancelled and police arrested the man.
Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: IS THAT A GUN IN YOUR PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME?
A man in Florida was being pat down after stealing a car, while being pat down the officer found a hard object near the groin. The man used the opportunity to make a lazy sex joke to hide his Glock 23.
Boner Candidate #2: BIG MAN KILLED HIMSELF A GATOR
Wyatt Teller of the Cleveland Browns was photographed carrying a ~200lb gator on his shoulders after hunting. In Florida, hunting gators is controlled through a system of permits during a dedicated time period similar to hunting other animals.
Boner Candidate #3: DANCIN’ AND STORMIN’.
Two officers last spring danced with the organizer of a ‘Black Lives Matter’ protest to show their support. The the organizer of the protest remembered them as a near-perfect example of police support. Despite preforming the electric slide, both two officers were photographed inside the capital during the January 6th riots. Both officers were arrested.
