Round One
Boner Candidate #1: WANT A HEART OR KIDNEY? COME ON DOWN
An investigation of a Michigan health care network was prompted after some doctors posted a picture of themselves, and their patient’s organs in ‘price is right’ style post.
Boner Candidate #2: VICTORY VIPERS HAS ALWAYS TRIED TO BE FAMILY FRIENDLY
Three teenage cheerleaders from Buck’s County received anonymous texts that included ‘incriminating’ evidence against them. Some of the photos and videos included them naked, vaping or even drinking. One girl was even told to take her own life. The culprit was another cheerleader’s mother who used deep-fakes to create the blackmail.
Boner Candidate #3: AND THEY ARE ALL BONER CANDIDATES
A study from the State University of New York and Rutgers University, investigating the sex lives of young men and women discovered a decline in intimate encounters. For men, the lack of drinking and the increase of video games correlated with the decline.
Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: AND THEY ROLLED HIM OUT OF THE COURTROOM IN AN OFFICE CHAIR.
Ammond Bundy, who was on trial for disruptive mask-less protests at the Idaho state capital, failed to appear in front of the judge after refusing to wear a mask. Despite being outside the courthouse with his many mask-less protestors, he wasn’t allowed in due to his refusal to wear a mask himself.
Boner Candidate #2: TED THINKS THE MILITARY IS GOING AFTER TUCKER
After Tucker Carlson’s rant about women in the military, he was clapped back with voices from all over the US military. Ted Cruz is defending Tucker Carlson, saying that the military is going after him in a corradiated attack by the Pentagon.
Boner Candidate #3: YOU WILL BE HOMECOMMING QUEEN
Much like our former president, a mother and daughter worked together to rig the election – for homecoming. The mother and daughter had accessed student accounts without the authorization, which has resulted to them being arrested.