Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for May 16th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: HE’LL HAVE THAT PURSE NO MATTER WHAT

A suspect in a violent purse snatching involving a mom and her young daughter, that was caught on camera, is now in custody. San Jose police say Pablo Cabrera is the man seen walking in the video taken by a surveillance camera at a building on Towers Lane on May 6. The victim and her daughter are seen in the video walking up a set of stairs, when a man approaches them from behind, grabs the woman’s purse, and pulls her and the child down to the sidewalk below. San Jose police say they identified the suspect as Cabrera based on his description, vehicle, and method of operation and were able to link him to other robberies. Members of the department’s Covert Response Unit arrested Cabrera at his residence in San Jose on Saturday, May 11. He was booked into Santa Clara County Jail for robbery and parole violation. Police say detectives located additional evidence in Cabrera’s home, linking him to other robberies. Investigators say all of the victims were Asian females carrying expensive purses. Anyone with information is asked to contact Detective Daren Reinke of the San Jose Police Department’s Robbery Unit at (408) 277-4166.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE GUMBALL BANDIT

Police are on the lookout for a gumball bandit. Surveillance video caught a man driving up to the front window of the Copper View Medical Center early Monday morning. The footage shows the suspect getting out of his car, smashing a window, and then pulling the giant gumball machine out of the lobby.  That was the only item the person took. Dr. Mary Tipton of Copper View Medical Center said the machine is worth about $1,000. Many of her pediatric patients are upset that it is gone. “We had a toddler in here yesterday who kept coming up to the front desk, almost in tears,” Tipton said. The child repeatedly asked, “Who did that?” Tipton recalled. The machine has sat in the same place in the medical center’s waiting room since the practice opened nearly two decades ago. Doctors, staff and patients hope it will be returned so kids can get a reward after their check-up. The burglary was captured on a surveillance camera at the hospital. (Use the video player above to watch the footage.)

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Boner Candidate #3: CAR SEX

Compared to shooting an adult film in a moving car, as two people did in a Tesla recently did, watching a sexy video while driving may seem tame, but it’s still dangerous. Police in Slough, U.K. recently pulled over a driver they spotted viewing a video of “scantily clad women dancing around,” SWNS reports. “He just couldn’t see the distraction,” Thames Valley Police tweeted with a photo of the car. “Needless to say, driver reported.” It’s not clear what violation the driver was charged with, but using a smartphone behind the wheel carries a penalty of 200 pounds and six license points in the U.K., which is half as many as needed to have your license suspended, as soccer star David Beckham found out on Thursday when he pleaded guilty in court to the offense. Last week, an adult film star loaded a video to Porn Hub of she and her boyfriend performing several sexual acts in the front seats of a Tesla Model S as it drove along a highway in its semi-autonomous Autopilot mode. Tesla CEO Elon Musk made light of the video, tweeting: “Turns out there are more ways to use Autopilot than we imagined.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: LOCK UP YOUR WEAPONS

A college baseball game was postponed in Tennessee on Tuesday evening after an 8-year-old boy allegedly shot his mother in what police are saying was an accident, according to reports. The unidentified woman was transported to a hospital in critical condition but her condition was later upgraded to stable, FOX 13 of Memphis reported. The owner of the gun has been detained and police are conducting an investigation to determine if they will press charges, authorities said. The shooting happened at USA Stadium in Millington, where the University of Memphis Tigers were playing the University of Tennessee at Martin. Police said the child found the gun inside an antique car being displayed at the stadium and accidentally shot his mother during the first inning of the game, around 6:45 p.m. “The juvenile believed it was a toy gun. He picked the gun up, pulled the trigger, and accidentally shot his mother,” Millington police Chief Mark Dunbar said, according to WMC-TV in Memphis. The game was then halted, according to FOX 13. The University of Memphis issued a statement after the incident.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU DIRTY DIRTY AMERICANS

Summer is nearly here, but before you go jumping in the public pool, you might want to think twice! A new study says 51% of all Americans use the swimming pool to get rid of sweat or dirt instead of just taking a shower. The sweat and other things on our bodies react with the chlorine, meaning there’s less of that chemical available to kill germs. Additionally, 40% of Americans admit they’ve peed in the pool as an adult. The survey revealed that 24% of Americans would go in a swimming pool within one hour of having diarrhea, and 48% report they never shower before swimming. Also, most Americans don’t know that pool chemistry can be impacted by such personal care items as makeup (53%) and deodorant (55%). The full study was done by the Water Quality and Health Council.

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Boner Candidate #3: TRAPPED IN THE PORTA POTTY

A man has been charged with an attack at a suburban St. Louis light rail station in which authorities say he toppled a portable toilet with a woman trapped inside. Forty-year-old Christopher Ewing, of Uplands Park, was arraigned Monday on felony counts of kidnapping, attempted kidnapping and assault. His bond is set at $75,000. No attorney is listed for him in online court records. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that the attack happened Friday in the parking lot of a station in Carsonville. Charging documents say he punched a woman exiting a portable restroom, closed her inside and pushed it over as she was calling 911 for help. Authorities say he then tried to force another woman to give him a ride in her pickup truck before he was arrested.

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