Boners

Boner of the Day for November 30, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: HERCULES ONLY KNOWS WHAT HE READS

Last week, I interviewed two celebrities who have used their considerable platforms to downplay the COVID-19 pandemic that’s killed more than 260,000 Americans. The first was Jake Paul, the YouTube stunter turned stunt boxer who claimed the highly contagious virus was “a hoax” and further implied that it was part of some nebulous government conspiracy. The second was Kevin Sorbo, the actor most famous for the TV show Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, who went on Fox & Friends in early May and compared COVID to the flu while urging businesses to defy closure orders, and has since downplayed the severity of the virus on his Twitter account.

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Boner Candidate #2: WAY TO GO ART LOVERS

MOAB, Utah — After the suddenly world-famous “monolith” of unknown origin was removed by an unknown person or group late Friday night, the Bureau of Land Management addressed how the many people visiting it failed to follow some fundamental rules of recreating on public land. The installation itself, the BLM pointed out, was illegal — although they added that for some, it was “a welcome distraction from the 2020 news cycle.” However, the agency did not remove it or call for it to be removed, but was actually investigating where it came from when it vanished.

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Boner Candidate #3: KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUN

Peacock has apologized for a Saved By the Bell episode that referenced Selena Gomez’s kidney transplant in a brief scene as well as donated to the singer’s lupus charity following social media criticism over the episode. “We apologize. It was never our intention to make light of Selena’s health. We have been in touch with her team and will be making a donation to her charity, The Selena Gomez Fund for Lupus Research at USC,” Peacock, NBC Universal and the show’s executive producers said in statement given to The Hollywood Reporter on Saturday.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: CAN WE CHARGE THEM ALL WITH ATTEMPTED MANSLAUGHTER?

TAYLORSVILLE, Utah — Roughly 20 people gathered in Taylorsville Saturday to express their frustrations with Gov. Gary Herbert’s mask mandate. The protesters planned to walk through stores in the area without masks to protest their requirement. “I see some people with glass masks, [N95] masks, I see people with gas masks,” said Kish North, organizer of the demonstration. “No one has come out and said, ‘Hey, you have to wear this kind of mask,’ and make it a law. There’s no law! It’s a mandate. What is that?” Those participating, formed from the Concerned Citizens of Utah Facebook group, walked through a nearby Harmons and Walmart on Redwood Road.

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Boner Candidate #2: I HAVE AN ARMY OF HACKERS AND CYBER SLEUTHS

The former CEO of Utah-based Overstock.com — an eccentric millionaire who resigned last year after saying he had a romantic relationship with alleged Russian spy Maria Butina at the request of the FBI — said this week that he’s now funding an army of hackers to try to prove that President Donald Trump won reelection. Patrick Byrne made the claim Tuesday during an interview on One America News, a far-right, pro-Trump cable channel. His accusations that Democrats manipulated the election and stole votes from Trump are unfounded.

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Boner Candidate #3: WELL, YOU DID IT…YOU LEFT YOUR MARK.

A YouTube creator hoping to ‘leave his mark’ jumped off the Pennybacker Bridge in Austin and suffered a fractured skull. The dangerous jump was performed last Monday by Saa Fomba, a YouTuber whose video of the event has garnered nearly 8,000 views in 48 hours. As Fomba drove to the Pennybacker Bridge, which stands over the 1,450 mile Colorado River, he addressed the potentially fatal stunt to his audience. ‘I don’t see no fun in living a normal life,’ he says to the camera.

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