ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: HONEY, YOU DON’T NEED AN ABORTION, YOU NEED A GLOCK.
In yet another attempt to say the worst thing, Lauren Boebert said: “‘Rape victims need abortion.’ Wrong. They need love. They need support. They need safety and healing. They needed a Glock 19 when it happened.”
Boner Candidate #2: NO VACCINE FOR SARAH BECAUSE SHE BELIEVES IN SCIENCE
In defense of being unvaccinated, Sarah Palin claims that she’s not vaccinated because “I believe in science and I have not taken the shot.”
Boner Candidate #3: ROLLIN’ COAL
A 16 year old driving a diesel pickup truck attempted to blow exhaust on some cyclists before accidently running over six of them.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: I CAME HERE BECAUSE I HAVE A REPUTATION
TV bounty hunter, Duane Chapman knocked on the door of Christopher Laundrie and Roberta Laundrie, the parents of Brian Laundrie who’s been labelled a person of interest. When asked why, he claimed that he has a reputation. “The reputation is, ‘He gives you a second chance. He’s gonna get you, but he gives you a second chance.'”
Boner Candidate #2: NOT A GOOD IDEA TO USE A REAL KNIFE
An actor at an Ohio haunted house stabbed an 11 year old boy with a real hunting knife. The actor told police that ‘it wasn’t a good idea’ to use a real knife as opposed to a prop knife.
Boner Candidate #3: I HAVE BEEN TO LOTS OF JAZZ GAMES
2News reporter Hayley Crombleholme interviewed people outside the Vivint Arena to gauge their reactions to the Jazz Game. She didn’t realize that she was actually interviewing Utah Jazz player Jordan Clarkson.