ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: MR. GIPE WANTS US TO STORM THE CASTLE.
An AP government teacher in California has been placed on unpaid leave, and fired after displaying an Antifi flag in his classroom. He said he wanted to turn the students into ‘revolutionaries.’ The incident was against school policy.
Boner Candidate #2: I THINK MAYBE THE CHINESE HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA
President of China, Xi Jinping is calling for a “national rejuvenation” with greater control over businesses, and culture. Recently, they’ve banned more effeminate men from appearing on TV.
Boner Candidate #3: BITE THE SNAKE THAT BITES YOU.
A drunk man in India who attempted to chew on a baby snake was killed after the snake bit him back.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN KID?
Kid Rock posted on Twitter that he had to cancel two upcoming shows because “over half the band has f****** covid.” He said that most of the band is vaccinated against Covid-19, but were infected by the delta variant. Kid rock blames “s*** for brains bloggers and media trolls.”
Boner Candidate #2: MA’AM THIS IS A WASTE OF PERFECTLY GOOD MEAT SAUCE
An incident of domestic battery led to a woman in jail for attacking her husband with a plate of spaghetti. The victim was described as being “covered in meat sauce.”
Boner Candidate #3: COME IN HERE FOR A DAMN DILLY BAR AND THEY’RE ALL UP IN MY FACE ABOUT A DAMN MASK.
In yet another case of an anti masker having a complete tantrum, a man urinated on the counter of a Dairy Queen after being told he needed to wear a mask.
