Boner of the Day

Boner Preview Candidates for February 10, 2016

Boner Preview Candidate #1: GOOD NANNIES ARE HARD TO FIND

A Texas couple has been accused of holding a Nigerian nanny against her will for more than two years, all the while subjecting her to abuse and forcing her to clean their home and care for their five children.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: IT WAS THE FISH; THE BEER BATTERED FISH.

A serial drunken driver, whose defense against his 10th operating while intoxicated charge was that beer-battered fish were responsible for his blood alcohol level, was found guilty of the felony Monday, according to state court records.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: HEY. YOU GET A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WITH GUNS, THINGS HAPPEN.

Two days after a funeral for Robert “LaVoy” Finicum attracted men bearing the symbols of well-known militias, a maid working Sunday morning at Kanab’s Holiday Inn Express discovered a shattered mirror where a bullet had been fired through a wall.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: I’M SORRY, BUT IS HIS NAME REALLY “WIDE-LICK.”

A group of students at Franklin County High School in Tennessee wanted a safe environment to talk about issues affecting the gay community, especially bullying, so they started a club that invited people of all sexual orientations to do so.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: THEIR INTENTIONS WERE GOOD.

Two men with mirrors and a wooden cross interrupted a campaign event in Raymond, New Hampshire to perform an exorcism on Ted Cruz on Monday, saying that the Republican presidential candidate was “possessed by a demon.”

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: Russian Lawyer Fears Tiger and Goat Union Could Turn Kids Gay

A Russian prosecutor is investigating whether media coverage of the unlikely friendship between a male goat and a male tiger could spark interest among children in “non-traditional sexual relations.”

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