Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for April 25th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: YOU GUYS NEED TO GO BACK TO SCOHOL

A motorist on Thursday spotted the error, realizing that workers in Doral had made a mistake when painting the word “school” at a pedestrian crossing in the road. Instead of S-C-H-O-O-L, it was spelled S-C-O-H-O-L. The city tweeted that the private contractor has now corrected its work. It’s not clear how long the mistake was there in plain sight.

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Candidate #2: QUIT HOGGING THE BATHROOM

A DeLand man stabbed his nephew four times with a 6-inch fillet knife for taking too long in the bathroom and claimed the younger man also made him feel disrespected, police said. Dan Johnson, 72, was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. He was being held without bail at the Volusia County Branch Jail on Wednesday. According to investigators, the victim, Michael Johnson, 29, called 9-1-1 at 7:34 p.m. Tuesday to report that he had been stabbed and that the suspect, whom he identified as his uncle, was still in the house. “Hello, I need EVAC. I’ve been stabbed three or four times,” said Michael Johnson, breathing heavily in apparent pain. “Please hurry up.”
Michael Johnson and Dan Johnson lived at 503 East Beresford Ave, a home owned by Michael Johnson’s father, Willie Johnson, police said.

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Candidate #3: YEAH. NURSES SPEND A LOT OF WORK TIME SITTING AROUND AND PLAYING CARDS

About 1,700 decks of cards have been delivered to the office of a Washington state senator who said nurses “probably play cards for a considerable amount of the day,” the senator said in a statement Wednesday. Republican state Sen. Maureen Walsh apologized on Monday after facing a backlash for comments she made debating a bill, HB 1155, that would provide uninterrupted meal and rest breaks and mandatory overtime for nurses and certain health care employees.  Walsh said last Tuesday on the senate floor, “By putting these types of mandates on a critical access hospital that literally serves a handful of individuals, I would submit to you those nurses probably do get breaks. They probably play cards for a considerable amount of the day.”

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Round 2

Candidate #1: SHE WAS WEARING A GOOD SUNSCREEN

A sunbather in California found out there’s no SPF strong enough to protect against cars after a police cruiser accidentally ran her over. The incident occurred near the boardwalk at Venice Beach around 2:10 p.m. Sunday, when officers were performing a routine patrol of the beach, a spokesperson for the Los Angeles Fire Department said. According to Fox 11, the victim was a woman between the ages of 25 and 30. Fortunately, medical personnel were present on the beach and provided first aid to the victim. She was transported to a nearby hospital and reportedly did not suffer any serious injuries from the accident.

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Candidate #2: IS THAT A SANDWICH IN YOUR YOGA PANTS?

An 18-year-old Hudson woman is accused of battering store clerks who tried to stop her after she stuffed a club stacker sandwich, sausage breakfast sandwich, can of Pringles and two Lunchables in her yoga pants. Haley Marie Derise of Nava Street was arrested at the RaceTrac convenience store at 7329 State Road 52 in Bayonet Point and charged with battery and petit theft. According to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, Derise entered the convenience store on April 18 at 8:42 p.m. and concealed the food items valued at $15.35 in her yoga pants. As she was leaving the store, the manager and night clerk approached her about the theft. She shoved both employees and fled the store.

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Candidate #3: OKAY. STEAL STUFF BUT DON’T SOIL THE BED.

They found a dead woman’s ashes during a burglary, but couldn’t find the bathroom. A Houston man was busted this week after police said he’s one of two burglars who broke into a woman’s home in October, urinated on her bed and stole several items, including an urn with her mother’s ashes. Marcus Cruz Ramirez, 49, is the first suspect to be charged in the break-in, which was caught on surveillance video. Police said the victim told investigators the pair took three laptops, an iPad, jewelry, cash and the ashes. She also told him that one of them urinated on her bed during the burglary, according to a news release. Police continue to search for the second suspect as well as the urn. “Ramirez has been unable to tell investigators the current location of the ashes,” police said. “We continue to work the case and are pursuing a second suspect.”

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