Boner Candidate #1: NOT SMART ENOUGH TO AD-LIB SOME UNITY
Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson spoke at the Republican National Convention last night in Minnesota. However, the speech he gave was apparently not the one he was planning on giving. “They are the party of open borders, reckless spending, weaponized government, and weakness on the world stage. This fringe agenda includes biological males competing against girls and the sexualization and indoctrination of our children,” said Johnson. When asked by a reporter, Johnson said due to the attempted assassination on Donald Trump, he had written another speech, but the old one was the one he gave because that’s what was rolled by the teleprompter.
via Mediaite
Boner Candidate #2: HE WAS MOWING WHILE HALF DRUNK AND WITH HALF THE REQUIRED NUMBER OF LEGS
In Ohio, a one-legged suspect was arrested after someone reported him mowing a lawn while intoxicated. When police arrived on the scene, a one-legged man was riding a lawn mower with a half empty bottle of vodka. When talked to by police, the man admitted he was intoxicated.
WINNER!
Boner Candidate #3: GRANDMA IS TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF ALL THEM KIDS
A couple is being charged with child cruelty after the grandmother called to report her grandson riding his bike on the freeway. When police arrived, the grandmother was present, but said she was “tired of taking care of all these kids.” The mother, Jessica Bailey arrived while police were there and made the children begin to pick up trash and said “Do you want to go back to foster care?” to the kids and made them pick up garbage in the front yard. It was also noted there was a lock on the fridge and freezer. The father, Steve Bailey, and Jessica Bailey were arrested but later made bail.
via Yahoo!
