Boner Candidate #1: MY GOD, THEY ARE ALL JUST SCOUNDRELS AND LIARS
It has recently come to light that Ronny Jackson, now Congressman in Texas and former personal physician to President Barack Obama and Donald Trump, has been demoted as a Navy admiral. Jackson served in the Navy for 24 years and was demoted to Navy captain which apparently has quite the wage gap. Jackson was demoted due to a report of inappropriate behavior towards a lower-ranking female, as well as being on Ambien while on the job at the White House and drinking an inappropriate amount. “He was an admiral, a doctor and now he’s a congressman, and I said, which is the best if you had your choice? And he sort of indicated doctor because he loved looking at my body, it was so strong. He said I’m the healthiest president that’s ever lived. … I said, I like this guy,” said Donald Trump in a press conference about Jackson.
WINNER!
Boner Candidate #2: I MEAN REALLY…SCOUNDRLES AND LIARS
Republican Senator of Alabama Katie Britt recently made a speech from her kitchen, then posted on social media, after President Biden’s State of the Union address. In summary, Britt shared a story about a Mexican woman that was sexually trafficked over the border. She went into great detail about the horrible things the woman in the story endured. This story was to be used as an example of Biden’s border policies. “This is the United States of America, and it is past time, in my opinion, we start acting like it. President Biden’s border policies are a disgrace,” said Britt in her speech. However, this story has been revealed to not be entirely true. The woman in the story is Mexican citizen Karla Jacinto Romero, who has never sought asylum in the United States and was never trafficked over the border. Jacinto was trafficked during the Bush administration in Mexico, however, and is an advocate for human trafficking happening all over the world. Jacinto has shared that she doesn’t approve of her story being used for politics.
Boner Candidate #3: AND THE SMELL GREW AS HE SPOKE MORE.
Idaho man Shawn Brayden Jones has been arrested for shooting and killing his ex-girlfriend’s horse. Jones’ ex, Mailee Cooper, had kept her horse on Jones’ property. Jones called the sheriff’s department requesting help, and according the sheriff’s department report, Jones smelled of alcohol, and the smell grew more as Jones continued to speak. When given a breathalyzer, Jones blew a 0.186. Jones claims the horse was sick, resulting in him shooting it four times, killing the horse. Sheriff’s investigated the horse, seeing the horse was in good health before it had been killed. “Someone took my best friend from me. She pretty much took a bullet for me. Hopefully, the justice system doesn’t just sweep this under the rug so no one else gets hurt or another animal gets hurt,” said Cooper.
via KSL
