Boner Candidate #1: I THINK YOUR DEFINITION OF ‘HIGHTEST ETHICAL STANDARDS’ IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM MINE.
Anthony D’Esposito, Republican representative of Long Island New York, is facing some allegations and possible violations of the House ethics rules. “In the wake of the MeToo movement, the house adopted a new provision which says that house members are categorical prohibited from having a sexual relationship with anyone who is employed by the member,” said James Sample, professor from Hofstra University. It has been said in a report by The New York Times that D’Esposito hired his fiancée’s daughter as an assistant in his office, as well as his alleged mistress. “The latest political tabloid garbage being peddled by The New York Times is nothing more than a slimy, partisan ‘hit piece’ designed to distract Long Islanders from Democrats’ failing record on border security, the economy, and foreign policy,” said D’Esposito. The apparent relationship of the woman and D’Esposito was known by many other employees in the office but has yet to be confirmed by D’Esposito and his spokes team.
via ABC 7
Boner Candidate #2: BETTY WHITE WAS BELOVED, RESPECTED, AND PROBABLY DELICIOUS.
An Australian man named Peter Smith is facing charges of animal cruelty after feeding a silkie bantam chook chicken named Betty White to an alligator. Smith was at the Oakvale Farm and Fauna World when other patrons saw him take Betty White from her enclosure and put her into the alligator pen. Smith seems to show no remorse, saying he just wanted to feed the alligator. Bryan Wrench, Smith’s attorney, backs Smith’s reasonings up. “Betty White was hand-raised at the park and had played a crucial role in our endangered species breeding program for the bush stone curlew and other species by providing surrogacy to the chicks. Her quiet nature means she would not hesitate to approach a customer for some animal pellets, making her an easy target for (an alleged) ruthless perpetrator,” said the owner of the farm, Kent Sansom. Smith is scheduled for sentencing in November.
via Fox News
WINNER!
Boner Candidate #3: YOU CAN’T SPELL MORINO WITH OUT MORON.
Ohio Senate candidate Bernie Moreno recently singled out a certain group of women and their stance on reproductive rights. “You know, the left has a lot of single issue voter. Sadly, by the way, there’s a lot of suburban women, a lot of suburban women that are like, ‘Listen, abortion is it. If I can’t have an abortion in this country whenever I want, I will vote for anybody else.’ … OK. It’s a little crazy by the way, but — especially for women that are like past 50 — I’m thinking to myself, ‘I don’t think that’s an issue for you,'” said Moreno. Many people have come out and given the facts against Moreno, one being Katie Paris. Paris is the founder of a national suburban women’s group that advocates for truthfulness in community policies, called Red, Wine, and Blue. “What Bernie Moreno said shows that he doesn’t respect the 57% of Ohioans who voted to protect our reproductive freedom last year … I think he is hoping to gain the support of some of those voters. But instead, he just called us, Bernie Moreno just called hundreds of thousands of Ohioans crazy. And the last time I checked, that doesn’t go over so well with women,” said Paris.
via NBC 4i
