Boner Candidate #1: PETE’S A MAN WHO LIKES HIS SURF AND TURF (and he blows his nose on an American flag)
A report by Open the Books found that the United States Department of Defense spent $93.4 billion in September 2025, with nearly half spent in the final five business days of the fiscal year. The analysis highlighted $22 million spent on luxury foods such as lobster tail, ribeye steak, Alaskan king crab, and salmon, along with other purchases like doughnuts and ice-cream machines. The spending surge reflects common federal “use-it-or-lose-it” budget pressures, even as Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has publicly pledged to reduce wasteful spending within the department.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #2: PEOPLE FROM OUT OF STATE WHISPER…’UTAH ISN’T GOOD TO WOMEN’ AND THEY DO THAT BECAUSE IT’S TRUE
Utah lawmakers cut $650,000 in funding to the Utah Women and Leadership Project at Utah State University, reallocating the money to expand the Utah Forest Restoration Institute through HB376. Project founder Susan Madsen said the sudden decision, passed with little debate on the final day of the legislative session, could eliminate most of the group’s staff and threaten its research on the well-being of women and girls in Utah. The move comes amid broader state budget cuts and follows recent actions by the Utah Legislature affecting programs focused on women and diversity initiatives.
Boner Candidate #3: FOLKS WILL DO STRANGE THINGS FOR A BOWL OF FRUITY PEBBLES
Teara Joann Smith, a 23-year-old from Houston, Missouri, was arrested in Springfield, Missouri after allegedly entering a family’s home, eating Fruity Pebbles in their kitchen, and petting their dog. Police said she appeared intoxicated, was partially undressed, and spoke incoherently when officers arrived. Smith later told authorities she believed the house was a “fair,” admitted to smoking marijuana beforehand, and now faces a first-degree burglary charge.
