Boners

Boner Candidates for March 29 2016

Boner Candidate #1:MAKE A LITTLE JOKE, CATCH A CROOK

A police department northwest of Austin says a woman was arrested after she responded to their Facebook hoax about contaminated drugs. The hoax, posted to Facebook on Tuesday, stated “Breaking News: Area Meth and Heroin Supply Possibly Contaminated With Ebola. Meth and Heroin recently brought in to Central Texas as well as the ingredients used to make it could be contaminated with the life threatening disease Ebola. If you have recently purchased meth or heroin in Central Texas, please take it to the local police or sheriff department so it can be screened with a special device. DO NOT use it until it has been properly checked for possible Ebola contamination! Contact any Granite Shoals PD officer for testing. Please share in hopes we get this information to anyone who has any contaminated meth or heroin that needs tested.” Two days later, Granite Shoals Police say a “concerned citizen” brought her drugs to the police station so officers could test it. The woman, identified by police as 29-year-old Chasity Hopson, was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance.

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Boner Candidate #2: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO WAIT, HUH.

They just couldn’t wait, could they? A man had sex with his girlfriend on a public bus in West Midlands, England, hours after he was released from prison, SWNS reported. Peter Walker, 37, and Samantha Truslove, 26, pleaded guilty separately Thursday to outraging public decency, the news service said. Walker was sentenced to 17 weeks in jail and got a stern talking-to from the judge. “You didn’t even wait until you got home to commit an offense,” Judge Graham Wilkinson said, per SWNS: “You went straight out and consumed alcohol, had sexual intercourse in full sight of all people wandering by, including children.” The two got busy in the back of a bus mere hours after Walker’s release, the Sun wrote.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHY LISTEN TO DOCTORS WHEN WE CAN ENDANGER WOMEN’S HEALTH TO MAKE A POLITICAL POINT

Republican Governor Gary Herbert signed a bill Monday that forces all women having elective abortions at 20 weeks or after to undergo anesthesia, despite health warnings from doctors. Utah is the first state to require doctors to give anesthesia for women, arguing that fetuses are capable of feeling pain at that point in their development and must be protected from it. But many doctors in Utah and across the country doubt that fetuses at that stage of development can feel anything, and fear that putting women under heavy sedation during the process will increase the risks to their health.  ‘You’re telling women that they have to have something that’s going to increase their risk based on a conclusion that is not true,’ said Dr. Sean Esplin of Intermountain Healthcare in Utah.  In order for the anesthesia or analgesic to reach the fetus, Dr. Esplin says, it would need to pass through the woman’s bloodstream. This would make her unconscious and likely require a breathing tube, or a heavy dose of narcotics.

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