Boner of the Day

Boner Preview Candidates February 9, 2016

Boner Preview Candidate #1: SHE’S INEXPERIENCED AND A LITTLE SHORT, BUT ALL IN ALL, AN EXCELLENT DRIVER

A Wisconsin couple allowed their 9-year-old daughter to drive them and their 11-month-old baby because they were too drunk to do so themselves, according to Polk County Circuit Court records. Jason Roth, 36, and Amanda Eggert, 32, pleaded not guilty at the court on Friday to charges of recklessly endangering safety and neglecting a child, according to the online records. On Jan. 31, a sheriff’s deputy responded to a call about an erratic driver and found the couple and their children parked at a boat drop in Polk County, about 75 miles northeast of Minneapolis, according to a criminal complaint.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: WATERBOARDING…THE SAME AS COLLEGE FRATERNITY HAZING

In an appearance on Greta Van Susteren’s “On the Record” Monday, Donald Trump’s second son backed up his father’s proposal to ramp back up the United States’ practice of torture in the so-called War on Terror. “If I have it to do and if it’s up to me, I would absolutely bring back waterboarding,” the Republican frontrunner said on “This Week with George Stephanopouloson” Sunday. “And if it’s going to be tougher than waterboarding, I would bring that back, too.” (Elsewhere: “Waterboarding is peanuts.”)

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: RUBIO DOES IT AGAIN. RUBIO DOES IT AGAIN.

Maybe it was just the end of a long, tiring day of campaigning. Or maybe Senator Marco Rubio’s opponents have gotten into his head. But on Monday, Mr. Rubio, the Florida Republican, who has been under relentless criticism for uttering his talking points over and over in Saturday’s presidential debate, had another repetitious lapse. Speaking to a crowd in Nashua, he was lamenting the decline in American family values. Then he lamented the decline in American values again.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: THE NUGE KNOWS! IT’S THE JEWS WHO WANT YOUR GUNS.

Yes, Ted Nugent is a jerk. But even for him, this is awful. Nugent posted the picture above on his Facebook page with this comment: Know these punks. They hate freedom, they hate good over evil, they would deny us the basic human right to self defense & to KEEP & BEAR ARMS while many of them have tax paid hired ARMED security! Know them well. Tell every1 you know how evil they are. Let us raise maximum hell to shut them down!

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: THEIR INTENTIONS WERE GOOD.

Two men with mirrors and a wooden cross interrupted a campaign event in Raymond, New Hampshire to perform an exorcism on Ted Cruz on Monday, saying that the Republican presidential candidate was “possessed by a demon.” According to The Dallas Morning News, Cruz had just finished his stump speech when the men began shouting at the candidate. “Ted Cruz look in the mirror and let the evil spirit depart!” one man exclaimed. “He’s possessed by a demon!”

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: GOAT AND TIGER LOVE.

A Russian prosecutor is investigating whether media coverage of the unlikely friendship between a male goat and a male tiger could spark interest among children in “non-traditional sexual relations.” Timur the goat and Amur the tiger met in November in a wildlife park near Vladivostok after the goat was placed in the tiger’s compound as a snack, according to the Associated Press. The tiger never devoured him and instead took a liking to his new companion, prompting their rare “romance” to go viral.

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