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Boner Candidates for September 28, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE SPIDER THING

A firebug spooked by a spider inadvertently set off a ball of fire at a Center Line, Mich., gas station while trying to kill it with a lighter, local reports said. To the horror of a fuel-seeking driver on Tuesday morning, a spider had called his vehicle’s gas tank home. His brilliant solution was to set the harmless spider on fire with a lighter, a decision that sparked a large blaze bouncing from the vehicle’s gas tank to a gas pump as a gas station employee watched. “There are some people that are scared of spiders, but would you set it on fire? No,” the gas station’s employee, Susan Adams, told WJBK-TV.

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Boner Candidate #2: DARE YOU STICK UP FOR THE BLIND KID

A California teen slammed a bully to the ground for punching a blind student — then was suspended by the school for his actions. The visually impaired boy was walking past the suspect during lunch hour at Huntington Beach High School on Wednesday when the beanie-wearing punk began pummeling him in the face, OCWeekly reported. Cody Pine, 17, noticed the attack and quickly intervened — knocking the goon straight to the ground with one swift punch. After checking on the blind boy, the heroic teen walked over to the bloodstained bully and said: “You trying to jump a f—ing blind kid, bro? What the f— is your problem?” The heartless teen was arrested on suspicion of misdemeanor battery and released to his parents, according to police. Pine was suspended for his courageous actions because of the school’s “zero tolerance policy for violence,” but a petition demanding that he be let back in school has already been signed by more than 30,000 supporters around the world.

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Boner Candidate #3: SHAME. SHAME. SHAME. SHAME.

A Maine mayor is proposing a controversial name-and-shame strategy for welfare recipients, saying he plans to push a bill requiring the state to publish the names and addresses and other details for “every individual on the dole.” Robert Macdonald, mayor of Lewiston, Maine, pitched the plan in his regular column for the Twin City Times. He noted that a website already lists information on state pensioners, and complained that “liberal, progressive legislators” think similar information on welfare recipients should be private. “Well, the days of being quiet are gone,” he wrote. “We will be submitting a bill to the next legislative session asking that a website be created containing the names, addresses, length of time on assistance and the benefits being collected by every individual on the dole. “After all, the public has a right to know how its money is being spent,” Macdonald said.

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