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Boner Candidates for August 17, 2015

Boner Candidate #1 IF YOU DON’T WANT TO GET HIT BY A DINNER ROLE, DON’T GO TO A PLACE WHERE THEY THROW DINNER ROLES

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Image by jeffreyw

Missouri may soon have its own version of the infamous Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurantshot-coffee lawsuit. Lambert’s Cafe, the Sikeston-based restaurant chain proudly known as the “Home of Throwed Rolls,” featuring servers who lob dinner rolls across the dining hall to guests, is being sued for a roll-related injury. The suit was filed yesterday against the Sikeston restaurant by University City-based attorneyWilliam Meehan on behalf of a gal named Troy Tucker. Tucker claims she “sustained a lacerated cornea with a vitreous detachment and all head, neck, eyes and vision were severely damaged” after being hit by a roll during a September 2014 visit. The practice of throwing rolls is deemed a “defective condition” of Lambert’s, and the suit claims that the restaurant knew (or should have known) about the danger of this practice.

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Boner Candidate #2 THE MICHAEL BROWN BONUS

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Image by Pictures of Money

The Guardian reports that St. Louis County police are investigating Officer Todd J. Bakula after he made a Facebook post bragging about his “annual Michael Brown bonus,” an apparent reference to extra income earned while working during protests in Ferguson this week. Police responded aggressively to demonstrations marking the one year anniversary of Michael Brown’s death. Many St. Louis County police officers ended up working overtime. “I decided to spend my annual Michael Brown bonus on a nice relaxing bicycle ride trip to Defiance,” Bakula wrote on his Facebook page. Defiance is a recreation destination about 40 miles from Ferguson. “Eating dinner now and staying at a bed and breakfast tonight.” St. Louis County media relations officer Shawn McGuire confirmed to The Guardian by email that Bakula is a patrolman with the St. Louis County police department. “We understand the post is controversial,” McGuire wrote. “The St Louis County police department takes these allegations very serious in every case. The remarks on the Facebook page will be investigated by our department.”

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Boner Candidate #3 IT’S JUST SOME GIRL IN PARAGUAY. NOT SOMEONE I HAVE TO LOOK IN THE EYE OR THINK ABOUT EVER AGAIN

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Image by John Pemble

GOP presidential candidate and former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee said that he supports the decision to deny an abortion to a 10-year-old rape victim in Paraguay. “I wouldn’t pretend it’s anything other than a terrible tragedy, But let’s not compound the tragedy by taking yet another life,” he said in an interview with Dana Bash on CNN’s State of the Union Sunday. The victim, an unidentified girl in Paraguay, was raped by her stepfather in a case that has attracted attention worldwide. Laws in the South American country prevented the girl from receiving an abortion. Huckabee acknowledged that many people, including some in his own party, find this position outside the mainstream and said he respects that position but feels he needs to remain consistent. “If life matters, and if that’s a person, then every life matters,” he said.

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