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Boner Candidates for August 19, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: HORRIBLE PEOPLE IN A HORRIBLE WORLD

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Image by Felipe Fernandes

Like other little boys, Baraka Cosmas Lusambo loves to play soccer. When he hears music, his feet tap and his face breaks out into a wide smile. During summer pool time recently, he used his left hand to toss a ball through a basketball hoop while red arm floaties kept him above water. Baraka Cosmas Lusambo, 6, remembers the night when men with torches broke into his home in Tanzania and chopped off his right hand.Photo: AP The joy vanished, though, when he was reminded of the night when men armed with torches and knives burst into his family’s home in western Tanzania, knocked his mother unconscious and sliced off his other hand. “We were simply sleeping when someone just arrived,” Baraka said. “They came to me with machetes.” Baraka has albinism, a condition that leaves its victims with little or no pigment in their skin or eyes. In some traditional communities of Tanzania and other countries in Africa, albinos, as they’re often called, are thought to have magical properties, and their body parts can fetch thousands of dollars on the black market as ingredients in witch doctors’ potions said to give the user wealth and good luck.

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Boner Candidate #2: I WARNED YOU: BRING SOME DAMNED BEER.

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Image by Steve Baker

A 44-year-old woman allegedly beat and stabbed her husband with a ceramic squirrel on Christmas Eve – because she was furious that he returned home without beer. Her 41-year-old husband had gone out to buy some beer late that evening, but due to the shops being shut for Christmas, returned home empty-handed, a police report said. Enraged by the lack of alcohol Helen Ann Williams, from South Carolina, allegedly set upon her husband as he made a sandwich, hitting him over the head with the decorative object then stabbing him in the chest.

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Boner Candidate #3: BORN HERE? GET OUT ANYWAY.

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Image by Christian Frausto Bernal

In the fall of 2010, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa), one of the most hawkish anti-immigrant voices in Congress, launched a legislative campaign to end the scourge of “anchor babies,” as he called them. The target was the 14th Amendment, which grants everyone born in the United States of America the right of citizenship. The Iowa Republican saw something more nefarious: a scheme by those outside the country (Hispanics, specifically) to get a foothold in the country by coming here and having a child. And so he debuted a bill to end birthright citizenship, which he has continued to introduce in subsequent sessions. It was highly controversial then and remains so. The latest version, introduced in the 114th Congress, has just 27 co-sponsors. But the push does have support in the high ranks of the Republican Party. And if this week is any indication, it may be on the path toward becoming a part of the GOP’s immigration platform. On Sunday, business mogul Donald Trump came out in support of ending birthright citizenship — and on Monday, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker joined him.

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