ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: THEY TAKE SURVEYS ON THEIR IPADS ALL THE TIME.
When some Jackson Hole Middle School students powered on their tablets one day in October, they found a survey with a pointed, personal question. It asked about their sexual orientation, whether they were gay, straight, didn’t know or didn’t want to say. The query was part of a questionnaire that sought information on the need for a gay-straight alliance or similar school club at the middle school, as well as other support for LGBTQ students. But some parents say the survey, which they didn’t know about before it went out, wasn’t OK. “It’s inappropriate to ask those kids. That’s a home issue,” parent Mike Mielke said. “If they wanted to do that, they should have at a minimum told us about it.” Students take surveys on their school-issued iPads all the time, Principal Matt Hoelscher said. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY LINE, DON’T YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY RIDE SERVICE?
PEEL COUNTY, Ontario – A young woman looking for a police escort to Union Station because she was running late, apparently for the Crazy Train, is the latest example of a ridiculous 911 call highlighted by police. Peel Regional Police posted audio of the kooky call Thursday on Twitter — an effort meant to raise awareness among those who don’t seem to understand the definition of an emergency. “Being late for a trip is never ideal. Calling 911 to ask the police to act as an ’emergency’ ride service, to get you there on time? Yeah … not gonna happen,” police tweeted of the “real call” received last month. The audio begins with the call taker saying, “911, do you need police, fire or ambulance?”
The confused-sounding caller then tries to explains her dire predicament. “I’m supposed to have a trip to Union Station, it’s arrived at, it’s supposed to show up for me this morning, did not,” she says. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: WHY SHOULDN’T I ROOT FOR RUSSIA.
ox News host Tucker Carlson on Monday night repeatedly conveyed that he is rooting for Russia against Ukraine and that he does not care that people are dying in the conflict—but later walked part of it back by claiming he was joking. During Tucker Carlson Tonight, Carlson said former Vice President Joe Biden’s son Hunter took millions of dollars from a Ukrainian energy company and accused him of corruption, while opining that President Donald Trump was unfairly facing an impeachment inquiry for asking Ukraine’s president to investigate a legitimate concern of wrongdoing by the Bidens. “Now, I know Hunter Biden, I actually like Hunter Biden, but that’s totally corrupt and you know it. Why is it worse to ask about it than it is to do it?” Carlson said, referring to Trump and Hunter Biden respectively. “Because people are dying on the front lines,” said former adviser to the Clintons, Richard Goldstein. Read More
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: COME ON KIDS. COME ON DOWN TO THE SATAN FAIR.
Not every spelling mistake you make is going to be caught by spell-check or the human eye. But thankfully, the good people of the internet are always there to point them out. Recently, a newspaper in B.C. made an unintentionally hilarious error in their advertisement for a local Christmas fair. The Comox Valley Record typo accidentally invited everyone to take photos with Satan at a holiday event in Courtenay, B.C.
The paper was only printed on November 21, but the internet has wasted no time roasting them for it. The people of the internet don’t let anything slide, spelling mistakes included. The advertisement, which got significant attention after it was posted on Reddit, accidentally highlighted “Photos with Satan” instead of “Photos with Santa” as one of the activities at Courtenay’s Christmas fair. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: SCORCHING HOT ASPHALT
In June of 2017, Citrus Heights, CA police held a shirtless James Bradford Nelson III on the scorching hot pavement at a KFC restaurant. The asphalt was estimated to be 170 degrees that day. Human skin is instantly destroyed at 162 degrees. Nelson, who was 27-years old and diagnosed with schizophrenia, was being detained by police after a mental episode where he was accused of trying to take a restaurant employee’s wallet. That charge was later dropped. Police held Nelson face down on the pavement for approximately five minutes as he screamed and flailed in pain. After the officers picked him up and saw the burns, they poured water on him and called an ambulance.
When Nelson arrived at the medical center, his body temperature was 108 degrees, he had second- and third-degree burns over 20 percent of his body, suffered kidney failure, and was in shock. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: BUNDLES OF METH IN PLAIN VIEW
A Las Vegas man who authorities say was pulled over with more than $1.9 million worth of methamphetamine in his car has been arrested in Kingman, Arizona. Israel Tellez-Nava, 35, was arrested Thursday night on Interstate 40 in Kingman by Mohave County detectives during a traffic stop, according to the county Sheriff’s Office. During the stop, detectives noticed “bundles of methamphetamine in plain view.” A search of Tellez-Nava’s car turned up three boxes containing 43 pounds of meth with an estimated street value of more than $1.9 million, according to the Sheriff’s Office. Tellez-Nava was being held at the Mohave County Detention Center on felony charges of transportation of dangerous drugs for sale, possession of dangerous drugs and possess of dangerous drugs for sale. Read More
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