Boner Candidate #1: OH, BY ALL MEANS LET HIM OFF
Attorneys for Brian Cole Jr. argue that he should be shielded from prosecution under a broad clemency order issued by Donald Trump for offenses tied to January 6, 2021. Cole is accused of planting pipe bombs near the Democratic and Republican National Committee headquarters, but his lawyers claim his actions are closely connected to the Capitol events covered by the pardon. They are asking a judge to dismiss the charges, asserting that the clemency’s language clearly applies to his case.
Boner Candidate #2: HE WILL BE DEAD BY JUNE
Donald Trump publicly revealed that Republican Congressman Neal Dunn had been given a grim, reportedly terminal diagnosis, surprising even Mike Johnson who suggested the information was not meant to be public. Trump described how doctors initially believed Dunn might die within months but said White House medical intervention helped stabilize his condition. Dunn, who represents Florida and has already announced he won’t seek reelection, has not publicly confirmed details of his health but is expected to continue serving through his term.
!!!WINNER!!
Boner Candidate #3: IT’S THE MOWING OF THE LAWN THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON
A former Utah Highway Patrol trooper, Robert Ellis Nelson, has been charged with multiple offenses involving alleged inappropriate behavior with a minor in Box Elder County. Prosecutors say he showed explicit material to a 17-year-old and engaged in lewd acts on several occasions, prompting an investigation by the Box Elder County Sheriff’s Office. Nelson was placed on administrative leave after the allegations surfaced and resigned shortly after being formally charged.
