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Boner Candidates for May 8, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: OATS N HONEY N COCAINE

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Image By Imagens Evangelicas

When a tiny Ziplock baggie fell out of her granola-bar wrapper, Cynthia Rodriguez thought Nature Valley was “running some kind of promotion.” What’s better than winning a prize? It was a logical conclusion, considering the bag had dollar signs all over it. But upon closer inspection, Rodriguez realized the bag was filled with white powder. She called the San Antonio police, who came out to field-test it. “Disturbingly enough, it came back positive for cocaine,” Sargent Javier Salazar says. Not just any cocaine, mind you: Rodriguez recalls two detectives sampling it, looking at each other, and going, “Oh my goodness, it’s high-quality cocaine.”

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Boner Candidate #2: LEG LITTERING

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Image By David Goehring

A Florida man is suing a hospital after his amputated leg was found in the trash. According to the Miami Herald, the Key Largo man went to Doctors Hospital in Coral Gables to have his leg amputated below his knee. The hospital then threw the leg away instead of incinerating it, which is the normal practice. The man found out about the incident when homicide detectives knocked on his door and asked him why his leg was found at a waste management facility with the man’s name tag still attached.

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Boner Candidate #3: RICK SANTORUM WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW HE IS STILL A DICK

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Image By Chris Piascik

A few days ago, former and forever presidential hopeful Rick Santorum offered some seemingly (and uncharacteristically) supportive words on Bruce Jenner’s decision to come out as a transgender woman. But now, Santorum has one little thing he’d like to add: Don’t worry, I’m still a dick.

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Feature Image By Chris Piascik

 


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