Life

Boner Preview Candidates January 13th, 2016

Boner Preview Candidate #1: I’M QUITE SURE SALAD SHOULDN’T HAVE HAIR AND EYES

What’s worse than finding a weasel in your Asda salad? Answer: finding half a weasel. A nurse found a two-inch lump of baby weasel in her salad – with a leg, a foot and an eye poking out. Rifat Asghar, 42, immediately vomited – but claims she was offered just £5 in compensation, although the store has since offered her £100.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: I HAVE A FINE SELECTION OF MONKEY HEADS

A man who illegally sold imported primate body parts and possessed images of bestiality has been jailed for 14 months. George Bush, from Erith, London, was sentenced at Woolwich Crown Court on Monday after pleading guilty to a string of charges including offering to sell body parts of a number of endangered species such as four monkey heads and two leopard heads.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: THIS STICK IS LOADED

A woman with a wooden stick in her hand tried to rob a San Pedro bank Monday morning but was quickly arrested, police said. The woman walked into the Bank of America branch at Ninth Street and Pacific Avenue about 9 a.m. She had the stick in her hand and handed a note demanding cash to a teller. She also claimed to have a gun.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: I JUSS WANNA PAY MY FINES

A woman who came to the 52-1 District Court at about 2:18 p.m., Dec. 22 to pay court fines found herself in more trouble when it was determined she was intoxicated

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: SOME MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE JUST NOT THAT BRIGHT.

Rep. Tim Murphy (R-Pa.) issued a scathing statement Tuesday night in response to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address — two hours before the president gave his speech.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: AN ADULT WILL HAVE TO INSPECT YOUR GENITALS

It may be a New Year, but the same old battle over bathrooms is starting all over again. A Republican lawmaker in Virginia is so concerned over which bathrooms transgender people use, including children at school, that he is proposing a law that would fine them $50 each time they enter a restroom that doesn’t match their “anatomical sex.”

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