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Boner Candidates for September 4, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: PREYING ON THE WEAK AMONG US.

A 66-year-old man was duct-taped to his wheelchair while two armed men stole nearly everything in his home, police said Wednesday.”The two guys were in there for like over an hour, rummaging and ransacking his stuff, and they pretty much cleaned him out,” said South Salt Lake police detective Gary Keller. The incident happened about 1 a.m. Monday at Dwight Hahn’s apartment in the 3400 South block of 200 East. Hahn typically keeps his front door open or ajar to cool off his apartment, Keller said. He has lived in the apartment for more than 20 years. Early Monday, two men wearing hoodies, baseball caps, gloves and armed with handguns entered Hahn’s apartment, pistol-whipped him, then taped his hands together. They then taped Hahn, who has only one leg, to his wheelchair, Keller said.

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Boner Candidate #2: YO MAN GIIMME BACK MY CHIPS

A routine snack-snatching turned violent on Tuesday when a Detroit man confronted a potato chip thief and was shot in the groin, WXYZ reports. Authorities say the 59-year-old victim was walking outside a McDonald’s when a stranger grabbed a bag of potato chips out of his hands. The Detroit News reports the man then told the suspect, “Yo, man, give me back my chips,” and took the chips back. “The suspect produced a weapon, shot him and fled the scene,” a police spokesperson told WWJ-TV. The victim was subsequently taken to a nearby hospital, where he’s listed in stable condition. He is reportedly expected to recover. According to police, the gunman escaped with the potato chips.

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Boner Candidate #3: YES. WE SCREWED UP

A London sexual health centre mistakenly leaked the details of nearly 800 patients who have attended HIV clinics, bosses have admitted. The 56 Dean Street clinic in Soho sent out the names and email addresses of 780 people when a newsletter was issued to clinic patients. Patients were supposed to be blind-copied into the email but instead details were sent as a group email. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt said the breach was “completely unacceptable”. Speaking at a conference in Manchester, Mr Hunt said patients needed to feel confident the NHS would look after their personal data. He said: “The truth is that we will throw this all away if we lose the public’s trust in our ability to look after their personal data securely. “If we are going to win that trust we need to strengthen the independent oversight of data security within the NHS to a level that we don’t have at the moment.”

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