Boner Preview Candidate #1: THIS IS DESTINY. SHE’S DEAN OF ADMISSIONS.
A 56-year-old Florida man, the former head of a for-profit college, is scheduled to go on trial in Miami federal court on Wednesday for using strip club exotic dancers — so-called “hot mommas” and “the sluttiest girls” — to lure unqualified students to his school.
Boner Preview Candidate #2: I WAS OUT OF MEDS SO I HAD ME A DRINK
Georgia law says its illegal to operate “any moving vehicle” while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. As a Conyers man learned last week, that includes motorized wheelchairs.
Boner Preview Candidate #3: RUSH BOOBS
Fraternity pledges at the University of California, San Diego have apparently been tasked with acquiring “rush boobs” selfies as part of their “Rush Week” duties. Or, anyway, that was the deal, before one woman who’d been solicited for such a photo blew up the scam on Facebook, and the offending dipshits were suspended by their fraternity’s local chapter.
Boner Preview Candidate #4: DIVERSITY TRUMPS DEMOCRACY
Principal Lena Van Haren’s decision to withhold the results of the student government elections angered parents and students at Everett Middle School in San Francisco. “It’s not okay for a school that is really, really diverse to have the student representatives majority white,” she told the San Francisco Chronicle. “The easy thing would have been to announce the results and move on. I intentionally did not choose the easy way because this is so important.”
Boner Preview Candidate #5: I HAD TO GET THERE. I WAS ON THE REFRESHMENT COMMITTEE
A man has admitted chasing down a plane and breaking through security in an attempt to board a departing flight to his school reunion.
Boner Preview Candidate #6: HE BIT HIM DOWN THERE YOUR HONOR….DOWN THERE.
Here’s a headline for the ages, courtesy of the Baltimore Sun: “County cop charged in testicle-biting incident no longer with department.” Yes, the infamous testicle-biting copis no longer a police officer.
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