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Boner Preview Candidates for September 14, 2015

Boner Preview Candidate #1: BOY DESERVED A BEATING

While you were grilling up some hot dogs or watching baseball on Labor Day, players on the Camden County (Ga.) High School football team were beating the crap out of a JV teammate at practice while at least three coaches watched, according to a police report filed by the boy on the receiving end of the beating. The JV player’s offense? Wearing the wrong color t-shirt and sitting on the wrong side of the stadium at a game the Friday before.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: GIVE ME ALL YOUR CASH; AND PUT IT IN MY ACCOUNT

This has to be one of the stupidest bank robbers ever. Paul Neaverson, 61, walked in to a branch of NatWest in Rainham, Kent and held a knife to the cashier’s neck. However he was caught out when he asked the clerk to transfer the money in to his own bank account. And why did he do it? Because he needed money to book a flight to Corfu for a job interview as a golf coach. Of course.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: USE THE COUPON CODE “MUSLIM’

A Florida gun shop owner marked the anniversary of September 11 Friday by offering customers $25 off their purchase with the coupon code “muslim.” The same man had previously declared his business a “Muslim-free zone.” Andrew Hallinan said he’s intentionally courting controversy in an effort to push back against the overly cautious behavior he believes is costing lives. His critics, meanwhile, call him a “hate profiteer” trying to make a buck from tragedy. “On 9/11, of course I’m not going to be politically correct,” the 28-year-old said by phone Sunday. “These are terrorists that killed more than 3,000 innocent Americans.”

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: I WAS DRUNK AND EARL WANTED TO BE SPONTANEOUS.

A 36-year-old woman in Virginia got busted for doing it with her boyfriend in the middle of a parking lot last Tuesday, in broad daylight.  Then they did an awesome interview with the local news, where the boyfriend said, quote, “everyone wants to do something spontaneous.”

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: HEY KIDS! LET’S GO CAVING!

A 24-year-old mother was in custody Saturday after her two young children were found barefoot, dirty and living inside a wooden shipping crate in an underground cave on the eastern edge of Kansas City, Mo. Jackson County detectives discovered the 4- and 6-year-old children Thursday in the 8-foot-by-10-foot crate with vehicle bench seats, two small blankets, trash and thin wires. According to the probable cause statement, the crate was missing one side and surrounded by car parts and vehicles in various states of disrepair.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: WE ALL KNOW HE DID IT.

A former Denver radio host has filed a lawsuit against Taylor Swift, claiming he was fired from his job after being accused of inappropriately touching the singer two years ago. The Denver Post reports the lawsuit was filed Thursday in U.S. District court in Denver by David Mueller, known on the radio as “Jackson” as part of the “Ryno and Jackson” morning show on KYGO. The lawsuit says Mueller was accused by a member of Swift’s security team of grabbing her buttocks during a photo session backstage at the Pepsi Center on June 2, 2013.

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