Boner Candidate #1: HERE COME THE SELF APPOINTED JUDGE.
A self-proclaimed “U.S. SuperiA self-proclaimed “U.S. Superior Court judge” who has been involved in past property rights protests in other states arrived Tuesday in Burns with plans to convene an extra-legal “citizens grand jury” that he said will review evidence that public officials may have committed crimes.or Court judge” who has been involved in past property rights protests in other states arrived Tuesday in Burns with plans to convene an extra-legal “citizens grand jury” that he said will review evidence that public officials may have committed crimes. Bruce Doucette, a 54-year-old owner of a computer design and repair shop in suburban Denver, told The Oregonian/OregonLive, that he made the trip at the request of Harney County residents. He said he met with the armed occupiers of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge to hear their evidence, which he called “significant,” that government officials have committed crimes.
Boner Candidate #2: CINDY! DO SOMETHING!
There’s the story of how she helped a woman grow three inches instantaneously, and the one where she turned metal into bone, and the one where she blamed the death of blackbirds on the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Basically, she’ll tell any lie to further the word of God. And her followers just accept it all because I guess they haven’t gotten to the part of the Bible with all those pesky Commandments. The latest lie involves how she commanded the clouds to go away during a video shoot for Pat Robertson‘s The 700 Club.
Boner Preview Candidate #3: IT WAS PART TWO OF THE ROBBERY THAT WENT WRONG
A thick-headed teen is making an early bid for the title of year’s stupidest outlaw, after ordering a woman to show up with more cash a day after he kidnapped and robbed her — leading cops right to him, police said. Jason Donte Hayes, 17, broke into a Nether Providence Township home in Pennsylvania about 3 a.m. Jan. 3, waking up the woman by tapping her on the shoulder with a gun, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported. When the woman, in her 70s, told the creep she had no cash on hand, he forced her to drive to an ATM, ordering her to withdraw $2,000, cops said. Hayes allegedly threatened to kill her and her husband, who remained asleep in a separate bedroom, if she refused to withdraw the cash. The ATM only allowed the woman to withdraw $460, so Hayes demanded she meet him in a shopping center parking lot the next day with more dough. “He said, ‘I’ll be dressed exactly the same way as I am today,’” Nether Providence Police Chief David Splain told the paper. “This is where stupid takes off pretty quickly.”
Subscribe to X96's News!
Get the latest music news, contests and flyaways, and more straight to your inbox with our weekly emails.