Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates December 4th, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: HE WHO HESITATES AT WALMART IS FIRED.

Last month, Michael Walsh, a Wal-Mart maintenance worker of 18 years, was fired. He’d found $350 in cash in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market in Niskayuna, the Albany Times Union reports, and returned it after about 30 minutes. Walsh, a full-time employee, was terminated for “gross misconduct.” “The only thing I did wrong was hesitate,” Walsh, who is 45, said. “I didn’t steal anything. They didn’t give me any warning. They just fired me.” Walsh said he found a $5 bill in the parking lot and immediately went inside and turned it over to a manager. When he went back outside — his job involved picking up garbage and collecting stray shopping carts — he found a small stack of bills, $20s and $10s, in the parking lot. It was not in an envelope and bore no identification. He completed his task and when he got a moment, he counted the cash: $350. He stuffed it in his pants pocket. He went back inside the store, which is adjacent to a Berkshire Bank branch, and was about to turn in the bundle when he heard a commotion. “A woman was yelling at a manager, freaking out that she lost her money and I got nervous,” said Walsh, who speaks haltingly and has anxiety issues. “I kind of froze and didn’t want any trouble.” Walsh returned to his job, which included cleaning the bathrooms, and he gave a manager the $350 in cash about 30 minutes after he found it. The manager took the money and Walsh heard nothing more.

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Boner Candidate #2: THERE HE IS…PRESIDENT TRUMP

At a campaign stop in Manassas, Va., Wednesday night, Donald Trump looked more like a rock star than a GOP presidential candidate while signing a woman’s breast after his speech. So far in Trump’s presidential campaign, his comments have drawn the majority of press’s coverage, but he is also (perhaps predictably) producing some interesting imagery. From its inception, Trump’s antics have provided amusing photo opportunities. A video of Trump’s escalator entrance to his campaign announcement caused a big stir on the internet. At an Oct. 8 rally in Las Vegas a Hispanic woman interrupted Trump’s speech to proclaim her love for the real estate mogul turned presidential candidate.“I’m Hispanic and I vote for Mr. Trump! We vote for Mr. Trump! Weeeeeeee! We love you! We love you, all the way to the White House!” she screamed.

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Boner Candidate #3: WHO LOVES THE NRA?

Investigators now believe that what initially seemed a workplace shooting in San Bernardino, Calif., was a well-planned attack by a married couple with at least some contact with Islamic extremists. The evolving situation has forced Republican leaders and presidential candidates to contort themselves: talking tough on terrorism, yet ignoring the fact that the two were armed to the teeth with two .223-caliber assault rifles and two 9-millimeter semiautomatic pistols, and hundreds of rounds, all purchased legally.  While the nation suffered through the shock of another bloody massacre, on Thursday every Senate Republican except Mark Kirk of Illinois voted against legislation to prevent people on the F.B.I.’s consolidated terrorist watchlist from purchasing guns or explosives. The measure has been introduced repeatedly since 2007. The Government Accountability Office has documented that over years of congressional blockage, hundreds of suspected terrorists on the watchlist bought guns. Another bill that would have expanded background checks to gun show and online firearms sales to screen out convicted felons and the mentally ill also failed on Thursday. The four Republican senators running for president — Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul and Lindsey Graham — all turned up to vote against these common-sense measures. “If you need proof that Congress is a hostage to the gun lobby, look no further than today’s vote,” said Senator Dianne Feinstein, who sponsored the terror watchlist measure. In the hours after the attack in San Bernardino on Wednesday, President Obama specifically mentioned that legislation as an important security measure. “Those same people who we don’t allow to fly can go into a store in the United States and buy a firearm, and there’s nothing that we can do to stop them. That’s a law that needs to be changed,” he said on CBS News. The George W. Bush administration backed the terrorist-list bill in 2007.

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