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Boner Candidates for April 14, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: I NEED A LITTLE TIME TO CHILL

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Image By Lew

A man suspected of injuring three children in an Indiana apartment shooting last week tells authorities he’ll turn himself in eventually, but not before taking some time “to chill this weekend.” Cops have been searching for 24-year-old Domonique Stone, who is one of three men believed to be involved in the “high-powered assault rifle” shooting that landed five people in the hospital with serious injuries. Stone—who cops say should be considered armed and dangerous—has reportedly been eluding authorities via his supremely chill lifestyle.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WOULD JUST BE A WASTE OF TIME

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Image By DonkeyHotey

A Texas state representative is refusing to meet with the constituents who will be the most impacted by legislation she has proposed. State Rep. Molly White (R-Belton) has proposed legislation that would allow businesses to refuse to serve customers on religious grounds. The first-year Republican lawmaker has also proposed legislation seeking to make the state’s ban on same-sex marriage immune from court rulings. “Marriage is a Holy union of one man and one woman created and ordained by God. There is no other definition. As a Christian, I am guided by God’s Word,” she explained in a statement. But White’s staff has said trying to discuss the issues with her “would be a waste of time.”

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Boner Candidate #3: I AM AN IDIOT

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Image By Rosalyn Roy

Joseph T. Brennan Jr.’s eyebrows, eyelashes, and the hair on his head were singed, he smelled of burnt gunpowder, and burns were visible on his face when a bystander and Quincy police met him late Saturday night. He was also chagrined. “I’m an idiot,’’ Brennan allegedly told the bystander. “I lit a cigarette with the gunpowder in the front seat.’’ Brennan spoke to the bystander at about 11:30 p.m., after materials inside his 2002 Toyota Camry exploded as he was driving along Falls Boulevard in Quincy, according to a police report filed in court.

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Feature Image By Chad K


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