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Boner Candidates for April 15, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: SUICIDE HOT LINE HOLD PLEASE

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Image By Daniel Lobo

It’s been nearly a year since last year’s audit detailing just how dire things are for veterans in need of medical attention , and apparently, not all that much has changed. According to veteran Ted Koran, he recently called the VA’s suicide hotline only to be be put on hold for up to ten minutes at a time—multiple times. As Koran told ABC News, he suffered an emotional breakdown this past Saturday night after losing his wife to cancer six months ago. Finding himself on the brink of suicide, the Air Force vet decided to reach out to the VA, which responded to his call with a soothing refrain of try again later.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE SHOULDN’T HAVE FEMALE HORMONES IN THE WHITE HOUSE

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Image By Quinn Dombrowski

A female CEO in Texas has come under fire this week for saying a woman “shouldn’t be president” because of “different hormones” and “biblical sound reasoning.” Cheryl Rios, CEO of Dallas marketing and public relations firm Go Ape Marketing, wrote on Facebook that she’d move “to Canada” if Hillary Clinton became head of state. “With the hormones we have, there is no way [a woman] should be able to start a war,” she wrote in her post, per KTVT. “Yes I run my own business and I love it and I am great at it BUT that is not the same as being the President, that should be left to a man, a good, strong, honorable man.”

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Boner Candidate #3: THE TSA HAD A PLAN

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Image By Cory Doctorow

Two Transportation Security Administration agents at Denver International Airport have been fired for allegedly conspiring to grope male passengers in an elaborate plot that involved hand signals and the manipulation of the settings on a full-body scanner so that more thorough pat-downs could be conducted on men found attractive. One agent, a man, would allegedly signal to a female coworker when a male passenger he found attractive was coming through the scanner, according to The Denver Post, which cited a police report.

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Feature Image By Bill Alldrege

 


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