Boner Candidate #1: I LOVE MY WIFE AND THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT
A wheelchair-bound Polk County man says his wife tried to kill him but he blames himself for sending her over the edge. James Olds is battling multiple sclerosis, but he says it wasn’t the health problems that almost killed him, it was his own wife Cherry Olds, a Polk State college professor. “She took the pillow case off,” he said. “She put the pillow over my face, and I just said, ‘did you try to kill me?’ And she said, ‘that’s the point,’ and then she came at me the second time.” James has been married to his wife Cherry for 25 years. He said he believes the stress from his condition drove his wife to try to smother him with a pillow. “Somehow my baby snapped and I can’t help but think that I was responsible for her snapping,” he said. The incident landed Cherry behind bars, facing attempted murder charges. But her husband wanted to set the record straight. He says the visible scar on his head is not from the incident. And his wife is not a monster. “I just want everybody to know that I’ve always loved my wife,” he said. “I always will love my wife and I still do today.”
Boner Candidate #2: COME ON PEOPLE, CONTEXT
Alan Holmes, an eighth-grade student in Gresham, Ore., still remembers the day his older brother returned home after serving in Iraq with the Marines. “I was proud of him,” Holmes told ABC affiliate KATU. “I remember the day he came home and I was just so happy. I was little but I still remember it, he made me happy.” As he got older, Holmes’s pride turned into patriotism. He wanted to demonstrate that patriotism last week by wearing a T-shirt to school that included a design memorializing fallen soldiers and bearing the words “Standing for those who stood for us,” according to KATU. Instead, the image on his shirt — boots, a helmet and a gun — got him suspended, the station reported. Officials at Dexter McCarty Middle School asked Holmes to change his shirt,according to Fox affiliate KPTV. When he refused, the station reported, he was given an ultimatum: remove the shirt or face suspension.
Boner Candidate #3: I’LL SHOW YOU WHO IS A MEAN MOMMY
After her kids called her “the meanest mommy,” a Nebraska woman decided to show them who the meanest mommy really is: Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. The woman allegedly made the boys watch the film while duct-taped into their chairs. Mary Lucas, 28, admitted to Nebraska City police that she made her two boys, ages 4 and 7, watch the classic tale of child abuse because it’s “Hollywood’s perfect representation of a mean mother,” and because her own mom made her watch it at age 4. She may not have been there during the forced viewing, though. She told police that she’d asked her boyfriend, 29-year-old Glenn Oliver, to have the kids watch the movie, and if they were duct-taped to a chair, he was the one who did it “Lucas stated she was not there,” the officer writes in an affadavit obtained by The Smoking Gun. “[The officer] asked Lucas how many times Oliver had duct taped the kids. Lucas stated she only knew of the one time.” The boys’ sister told an officer that when they’re “not listening to mommy,” Daddy Glenn will duct-tape them, and that Lucas had seen him do it.
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