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Boner Candidates for September 8, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: UN-RAPEABLE

Damon Wayans is the latest celebrity to jump to the defense of Bill Cosby. The actor appeared on Power 105.1’s “The Breakfast Club” radio show on Friday, where he said that he doesn’t think Cosby is a rapist. Wayans went on to explain his theory about the 51 women who’ve come forward with their stories of being drugged or sexually assaulted by the comedian.  First, he provided a little bit of advice.  “Tell the truth. If I was him, I would divorce my wife — wink, wink — give her all my money, and then I would go to a deposition. I’d light one of them three-hour cigars, I’d have me some wine and maybe a Quaalude. And I would just go off,” he said. “I don’t believe that he was raping, I think he was in relationships with all of them,” Wayans continued. “And then he was like, ‘You know what, it’s ’78. It don’t work no more. I can’t get it up for any of y’all. Bye, bitches. And now they’re like, ‘Oh really? Rape!’” Wayans also questioned why the accusers waited so long to come forward, but co-host Angela Yee was quick to point out that some women came out with their claims decades ago.  “But if you listen to them talk, they go, ‘Well, the first time…’ The first time? Bitch, how many times did it happen? Just listen to what they’re saying,” Wayans responded. “And some of them, really, is un-rapeable. I look at them and go, ‘No, he don’t want that. Get outta here!’”

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Boner Candidate #2: BUCKEYE VANDALS

Police are investigating after rock art was vandalized in a canyon near Levan. The vandalism occurred sometime in August in a tributary of Chicken Creek Canyon, about 10 miles southeast of Levan, according to Manti-La Sal National Forest Heritage Program Leader Charmaine Thompson. The area has a small collection of pictographs —painted figures — on exposed round rocks on the conglomerate canyon wall. Lindon resident Rex Daley said he first saw the rock art around 40 years ago when his father-in-law showed it to him. Daley was in the area bidding for a construction job in Chicken Creek Canyon when he decided to go look at the beautiful rock art. When he discovered the graffiti, Daley quickly reported it to Forest Service officials. The rock wall shows the names of several individuals and “Ohio State University,” leading local officials to believe it occurred during the school’s annual geology field camp in the area. “Why would a geology student do something like that?” Daley said. “That was my very first reaction. … We have some outside students who should know better, geology students, and they deface it.” Native American rock art is protected under the Antiquities Act and Thompson said local law enforcement is investigating the incident.

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Boner Candidate #3:  WE EAT LESS BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER SEE OUR FOOD

Hong Kong’s fitness-mad culture means green juices and hypobaric chambers are no longer just the reserve of the most extreme health fanatics. But the latest means of staying in shape seems really bizarre. Women have been spotted staring directly at the sun before sunset on a beach in Sam Ka Village, Coconuts Hong Kong reports. According to dieters, looking into the sun allows you to absorb solar energy, which means you no longer need calories from food. Right. ‘We practice sun-gazing as a substitute for eating,’ one dieter told Coconuts Hong Kong. ‘Some of us who have finished the therapy now eat less, and others don’t have to eat at all.’ Some participants say that there is a religious element to the practice.

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photo courtesy of Old Man Travels


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