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Boner Candidates September 25th, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: Demons… Ya burn ’em out

The Lancaster County District Attorney’s Office says 34-year-old Joshua Witman not only lived at the house with his mom, but he was accused of setting it on fire. When he was questioned, according to the report, he told investigators the reason he did it was because he believed aliens were living inside the walls and that the basement contained a portal for demons.

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Boner Candidate #2: A SOLUTION FOR PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS

Road construction workers in central India killed a man when they accidentally buried him in a pit while repairing a road, police said Tuesday. The road repair crew failed to notice that a drunken man had fallen into a crater on the side of the road in Sleemanabad, a village in Madhya Pradesh state. Working in the evening, the workers dumped gravel and an asphalt mixture into the pit, burying the man, before using a large roller to smooth the road, said Constable Dhruvsingh Thakur.

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Boner Candidate #3: CRAPPY KEBOBS

Two kebab shop owners who infected nearly 150 customers after their meals were contaminated with human faeces have been ordered to pay £28,000 in compensation. Mohammad Abdul Basit and Amjad Bhatti, of the Khyber Pass takeaway in Nottingham, were responsible for an outbreak of E.coli that saw 142 customers fall seriously ill. One 13-year-old girl nearly died when she was left in intensive care while others were left bedridden for days.

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