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Boner Preview Candidates for September 21, 2015

Boner Preview Candidate #1: SLURRING IS PART OF HER PERSONALITY

Last night Jessica Simpson tried to sell her clothing line on HSN and the results were, well, mixed.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2:  YOU ARE CHARGED WITH SEXUALY EXPLOITING YOURSELF

A teenaged couple in North Carolina have been prosecuted for having nude photos of themselves and each other on their cell phones.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: SHE’S RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN MURDER

In court papers filed on Thursday, city lawyers claim the family of a college student murdered in 2013 at an East Harlem housing project don’t deserve a settlement from the city because she should have known the “risks” of being there.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: I NEEDED TO RAISE A LITTLE MONEY.

A Texas man was arrested and charged with making a false police report on Friday after allegedly defacing his own car and blaming it on supporters of the Black Lives Matter movement.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: YEP WE NEED PRESIDENT CARSON.

Dr. Ben Carson declared Sunday that Islam is antithetical to the Constitution, and that a Muslim should never be President of the United States.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: DURP.

Man tries to steal phone from Walmart, ends up stabbing himself.

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Boner Preview Candidate #7: QUIT PANDERING TO THE JEWS.

Controversial conservative pundit Ann Coulter posted a series of arguably anti-Semitic tweets at the tail end of Wednesday night’s Republican debate, accusing the candidates of pandering to Jewish voters.

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